I went to a "W school" middle for one year and it was a miserable experience (Robert Frost feeding to Wooton). I moved there from an easygoing but good California school district. And this was before the "W school" phenomenon really took off.

Some things I learned in one year that impacted me for life:

-Learning about the Johns Hopkins Gifted & Talented Search/program. (I got an award for a high SAT verbal score as a 7th grader.) This national program still exists but after we left Maryland, I've never been in a district that promotes it.

-Falling behind in math because MCPS was ahead on pushing their "gifted kids". Had to drop back a grade in math which resulted in me not getting to calculus in high school. Which by DCUM standards, makes me a dumb kid, never minding the verbal SAT score. There were no AoPS, RSM, Mathnasium, or Kumon then. At that time, you either got it or you didn't. In today's MCPS, my parents undoubtedly would have gotten me tutoring to keep up.

-The importance of branded clothes. And living in Potomac. I went from a nobody cares region of the US straight into a land of Jordache, Calvin Klein, Nike, Adidas worship. Also there was a lot of explicit info communicated about how cool/important it was to live in Potomac. At the time, my house was considered to be in Gaithersburg. Today's real estate business has upgraded my old neighborhood to North Potomac. So that's still a thing.

-Nasty, status-conscious people are a drag to be around. I got menaced by a group of girls I barely knew in an outdoor gym class one day. The ringleader was an affluent girl I barely knew. (We were all white, and mostly DCUM MC, with a sprinkle of Potomac DCUM UMC then.) She and her friends singled me out and started saying offensive things to me. I called one of them a bad name because they wouldn't leave me alone and she punched me in the jaw, hard. Two of them got suspended. It's the only violence I was ever subjected to in school - and ironically we were all white kids who were in a "safe" and "good" school.

So basically my 1.25 years in MCPS, gave me a grounding in SAT score snobbery, competition based on accelerated math training, real estate location importance, focus on status goods, and exposure to "Mean Girls". Quite a lot of indoctrination for such a short period of time.

I was really happy to leave that "W" middle when my dad found a job in PA after about a year. (He also had culture shock moving from CA to MD.)

I later worked in DC after college for 7 years, but when the time came to raise a family, I decided to GTFO. Too expensive, too much of a ratrace. I lived in a different "W school" neighborhood during that entire post-college time. (Walter Johnson).

OP- It's smart to think about where you want to live now, based on social characteristics, but honestly a lot of people reposition at some point K-12 anyway. I do think that perhaps I could have stretched my real estate budget to be house poor for awhile in the DMV or even where I live now. But still the "W school" approach to life is still too much for me. There was even a book about stressed-out Whitman kids a few years back.

I wouldn't recommend buying a house just hoping to find others who shared my philosophies. Outlier families tend to check out - disappear from PTA, etc. From what I read on this board now, I'm not sure where I'd head - maybe look inbounds for Richard Montgomery IB? Maybe Kensington? Maybe the unprestigious hinterlands past "North Potomac"? DC was too dangerous in the affordable areas when I lived there. I might have considered being a gentrifier back in the day.

Good for you to be thinking carefully about this now. I hope you find what you want for you and your family. I have, just in flyover country. Where I live now is a lot like old Bethesda before the high-rise/corporate office feel took over downtown.

Just don’t move to the “best” area. It’s funny on this board when people have a kid and then ask “where are the best neighborhoods, the best schools?” … and then 10 years later as their kids are growing up they will complain, “why is everyone so competitive around here?”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

+1, and then you have a different brand of toxicity where the private school parents subtly (or not so subtly) disparage the public schools, even if they are good. It's very hard for successful professionals to have a "live and let live" attitude, especially about their kids-- they need to be winning.

In this area I really feel like it's a "pick your poison" situation. Don't want the private-school-obsessed snobbery of McLean or parts of MoCo and upper NW? Well enjoy the obsessively competitive intensity of parents in the W schools, or the holier-than-thou condescension of Takoma Park parents who think your school is fine but you are a fundamentally bad person if you don't compost. Or the Capital Hill folks who think they are geniuses for buying a million dollar row house with a good elementary, and then will be enraged when the spot at Latin or Basis or Walls to which they felt entitled does not materialize.

There are a lot of annoying people here. There are also great, sane, level headed people in every one of the neighborhoods I just mentioned. You have to be able to ignore the annoying people and just go your thing. Otherwise, guess what? YOU are the problem, too.

This is best post I’ve read on dcum in a very long time. So helpful! Thank you!

I live in Crestwood (NW DC) and I don't know anyone like what you're describing in the neighborhood. There are lots of families here and I think the fact that the kids are all split between charters, public and privates maybe helps?

We live in Kensington and I think many people here are able to strike a nice balance.

I think you may like Burke or Springfield. Alexandria is ok too but then you have other problems.

We live in McLean and I don’t think anyone cares what others do. Lots of kids walk to school depending on where you live. Lots of kids go to private school. My kids don’t even get homework in elementary school.

Honestly, this is pretty common even in the middle-of-the-pack neighborhoods. We're in Annandale outside of the beltway and there is plenty of helicoptering. There are also plenty of more chill parents, and kids do walk and bike to school. I think you and your kids will find their way to families more like yours mainly because you will be judged unworthy by the strivers. But it will take time.

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

+1, and then you have a different brand of toxicity where the private school parents subtly (or not so subtly) disparage the public schools, even if they are good. It's very hard for successful professionals to have a "live and let live" attitude, especially about their kids-- they need to be winning.

In this area I really feel like it's a "pick your poison" situation. Don't want the private-school-obsessed snobbery of McLean or parts of MoCo and upper NW? Well enjoy the obsessively competitive intensity of parents in the W schools, or the holier-than-thou condescension of Takoma Park parents who think your school is fine but you are a fundamentally bad person if you don't compost. Or the Capital Hill folks who think they are geniuses for buying a million dollar row house with a good elementary, and then will be enraged when the spot at Latin or Basis or Walls to which they felt entitled does not materialize.

There are a lot of annoying people here. There are also great, sane, level headed people in every one of the neighborhoods I just mentioned. You have to be able to ignore the annoying people and just go your thing. Otherwise, guess what? YOU are the problem, too.

I’ve lived in 2 upper NW DC neighborhoods with kids. They are both like this. Anything that feeds into Deal MS is as OP describes.

Can’t speak for MD and VA.

This strongly correlates with money, OP. Use that to your advantage.

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

Almost. The very richest ones have half or more in private.

The richest ones

Can't tell you. I wouldn't want you as a parent in our school or any school. Home-school maybe?

I'm new to the DMV area with a new baby and I am looking to AVOID as much as possible having my kid grow up in an area full of high pressure helicopter parents.

I'm talking about Karens will call CPS on me for letting my kid walk to school, parents who will judge me for not doing my kid's homework for them, teachers who have burnout and PTSD from parents who call them to complain when their kid doesn't get a good enough grade. You all know exactly what I mean.

Are there particular neighborhoods or school districts that are notorious for this? Or is it less a question of geography and more of social class, i.e. any area in the DMV with white collar, college educated, upper middle class parents will be plagued by this?