Thanks everyone. You’ve talked me out of quitting. I’ll focus on building my network and try not to feel guilty about looking for a job while I have one. I guess guilt is better than the stress of being unemployed.

Do not quit.

You are massively overvaluing the value of references.

References come in to the process once you have already been selected for the new role, IME. Reference checks are a formality these days as many places won’t give references, only confirm dates of employment. You can use a colleague, partner/vendor, or manager from a very long-ago job. You do not need this person.

Ok, I've BTDT. My advice would be
Don't Quit
Start looking for a new job and get over the self inflicted guilt trip.
Maintain a reasonable level of performance so that your reference is still good
Know that at the VP level, and even lower level roles, most companies do not check references at all anymore
Land a job, give notice. Be gracious in transition.
If after 6 months, you just can't handle it anymore, reassess your next steps with your job.

Anonymous wrote:I am not anywhere near a VP level. However, my understanding is that you can negotiate 2 months to start your new role thereby allowing a smooth transition to your replacement. I agree with your husband that you should not quit without something lined up.

lol, this isn't Europe.

Do not quit. That is a terrible move.

Why can't you tell your boss that you are ready for something new?

^ or at least interviews lined up at several employers

Yeah, your thinking isn't making sense.

Could you take a vacation? it sounds like you need a break.

OP, what you need to do is fake it and keep doing your job while also networking and applying for other jobs. The situation doesn't sound abusive. You get along with everyone. You have gotten promotions. The issue is you are bored with the work and underpaid. That's not enough reason to quit without another job lined up

Have you tried getting a raise, since you feel you are underpaid? Could you get a promotion within the org?

I am not anywhere near a VP level. However, my understanding is that you can negotiate 2 months to start your new role thereby allowing a smooth transition to your replacement. I agree with your husband that you should not quit without something lined up.

My company forbids me from giving a reference to any employee either current or prior. All we do is HR confirms dates of employment and title.

No guarantee you quit your boss will give you reference. And if they do no guarantee it is good

Job hunt while working there is best solution or just retire to be a SAHM or just half ass till they lay you off collect severance and unemployment for awhile.

Quitting no job is worst choice

Do not resign. That would be very counterproductive. If you've worked there 9 years there has to be someone else who can speak positively about your work, even if that person is a same level former or current coworker. No one expects much from references other than confirmation you worked there anyway.

Anonymous wrote:You don't owe anything to an employer. Keep working while you job search.

This. It’s easier to find a job while you have a job. HR people are dumb. They will think that there’s some reason why you are unemployed and they won’t want to hire you. Do not quit if what you really want is a different job.

You don't owe anything to an employer. Keep working while you job search.

I would not quit to look for a new job. Partly I am pretty risk averse about these things so it make me too nervous to quit just to job hunt and partly I think there’s lots of evidence to suggest it’s easier to find a new job if you are currently employed.

I’m ready to leave my nonprofit job where I’ve been for the past nine years. My feelings are beginning to show and I’m afraid if I stay much longer, my relationship with my boss will become strained. I’ve been promoted three times and now that I’ve reached the VP level, I’m ready for something new in an adjacent industry. There’s no room to grow in my current role, I dislike 60% of the work I’m doing, and I’m underpaid. But I have ultimate flexibility and I like my boss and coworkers.

I know I’m not performing to the best of my ability and my confidence and ego are suffering because of it. I need to preserve my relationship with my boss because she’s my best reference for new jobs. But it feels like a betrayal to look actively for a new job while I’m half-assing my current one, and I certainly can’t use my current boss as a reference while I’m looking.

I’m considering resigning to allow my boss to hire someone else, which would free me to network actively with her blessing. I could propose keeping some responsibilities as a consultant if that helps with the transition. My husband thinks this is a crazy idea and I’ll be stressed and miserable without a job. But I’m stressed and miserable now.

WWYD?