Anonymous wrote:Not the OP here. Yes, it’s normal and yes most people accept it. But I’m one of those self-loathing guys who is nearing retirement age and has never been completely out - far from it, in fact. I’m ashamed about that but at this age I just feel like there’s no way I could do it. So I just trudge along hiding.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.
It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.
I wish!
5% of the adult male population being gay seems generous to me. Does seem higher in DC but the dating pool is still extremely small.
You are always going to be "not normal" and just need to deal with it, no matter how kind people are. Yes, it's annoying, yes it is tiresome, but nothing is going to change for you and society also isn't changing. In this day and age single gays have more in common with single straights than to married gays, but as the vast majority are still single.... it's the singles penalty for life.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not self loathing, but more, why me? Why am I like this? How can I be part of 5% of the population.
I started experimenting right after college and it was a relief to learn what my sexuality/attraction is. It helped me understand certain aspects of my life. And at some level grew my empathy for others who have minority status or another reason they are not what is considered mainstream.
But the flip side is feeling I have to hide. For example, a woman who works in the same industry asked me out and when I told her I was gay, she was very surprised and has stopped talking to me. Or not being able to share basic information about my social life to people at the company. Yes, I can get married to another man if the right person comes along, but will never be the typical person in a suburban neighborhood, will always be the "guy in the gay couple".
Gays are way less than 2% of the population. Not 5%.
Anonymous wrote:This is something that a lot of us go through very early on, but hopefully you’ll get over it. If you’re still feeling these feelings after a while I suggest a competetent and compassionate therapist.
It’s more than 5% and there’s nothing you can do about it other than, eventually, accept it. And you don’t have to hide.
Anonymous wrote:Not self loathing, but more, why me? Why am I like this? How can I be part of 5% of the population.
I started experimenting right after college and it was a relief to learn what my sexuality/attraction is. It helped me understand certain aspects of my life. And at some level grew my empathy for others who have minority status or another reason they are not what is considered mainstream.
But the flip side is feeling I have to hide. For example, a woman who works in the same industry asked me out and when I told her I was gay, she was very surprised and has stopped talking to me. Or not being able to share basic information about my social life to people at the company. Yes, I can get married to another man if the right person comes along, but will never be the typical person in a suburban neighborhood, will always be the "guy in the gay couple".
Anonymous wrote:OP and want to thank people for their responses. Everybody has a different story, but unlike those who knew they were gay in HS or even in the 3rd grade, I was in my twenties when I finally came to the realization and accepted that there is nothing you can do about it. This is after a significant amount of time living what would be considered a typical heterosexual lifestyle. Perhaps being a late bloomer is why I wrestle with "how did I get here thoughts". But then certain decisions and situations in my life make sense when I put them in the context of eventually knowing I am gay.
Will also add that.family and friends have been very understanding. And in terms of the woman who asked me out, we were friends for a while before she suggested we give romance a try.