Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.

Sure, a certain degree of this is normal, but what other values have you taught and modeled for them? Did they grow up seeing you reading or hear you and your partner talking about current events? Did you talk to them often about your interests beyond work, parenting, and self-maintenance? Did you ever talk to them about what is most important to you in terms of the kind of people you want them to be?

Did you spend any time with them volunteering? Any fun runs, etc. for charity? Were you part of a religious or humanist community?

If the answer to at least some of the above is yes, that will eventually come through.

If it’s no, then where would they have learned anything different?

YES to all of that!! I volunteer every week with an animal charity, dd used to come with me and she lost interest. We've volunteered for Feeding America and other food pantries. Ds used to volunteer a lot with a youth group but also lost interest in that. DH and I both read a lot, talk about current events, volunteered for campaigns, went to marches, have taken them to countless museums everywhere we go, read to them from infanthood until middle school. I think it's pretty obvious it bothers me because we are NOT like that at all! I will say we do eat healthy and both are physically active, but we are not shoppers, into brands, showing off, any of that.

The brand thing kills me OP. I don’t have name brand anything. I’m so tired of hearing about Lulu and Stanley and Athleta and Drunk Elephant. My kids only get this as gifts or with their own money because I otherwise refuse. I’m SO tired of hearing things like, “Mom, did you know Larla has FOUR Stanleys?”

Vomit.

+1000 It's ridiculous and largely Tik-Tok driven, from what I gather.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.

Sure, a certain degree of this is normal, but what other values have you taught and modeled for them? Did they grow up seeing you reading or hear you and your partner talking about current events? Did you talk to them often about your interests beyond work, parenting, and self-maintenance? Did you ever talk to them about what is most important to you in terms of the kind of people you want them to be?

Did you spend any time with them volunteering? Any fun runs, etc. for charity? Were you part of a religious or humanist community?

If the answer to at least some of the above is yes, that will eventually come through.

If it’s no, then where would they have learned anything different?

YES to all of that!! I volunteer every week with an animal charity, dd used to come with me and she lost interest. We've volunteered for Feeding America and other food pantries. Ds used to volunteer a lot with a youth group but also lost interest in that. DH and I both read a lot, talk about current events, volunteered for campaigns, went to marches, have taken them to countless museums everywhere we go, read to them from infanthood until middle school. I think it's pretty obvious it bothers me because we are NOT like that at all! I will say we do eat healthy and both are physically active, but we are not shoppers, into brands, showing off, any of that.

The brand thing kills me OP. I don’t have name brand anything. I’m so tired of hearing about Lulu and Stanley and Athleta and Drunk Elephant. My kids only get this as gifts or with their own money because I otherwise refuse. I’m SO tired of hearing things like, “Mom, did you know Larla has FOUR Stanleys?”

Vomit.

Anonymous wrote:Do you make them clean the house, run regular chores, work to get a brand name T-shirt, help with yard work, etc. OR have you just doled out cash, and paid outside workers to mow the grass and clean the house? If everything’s been given to them, then there’s no grit or yearning to earn.

I clean my house and mow my yard and do my own gardening, dh does electrical and plumbing. DS pressure washes the driveway sometimes and they both sporadically help with chores. They are very good about helping with pet care. They also both work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.

Sure, a certain degree of this is normal, but what other values have you taught and modeled for them? Did they grow up seeing you reading or hear you and your partner talking about current events? Did you talk to them often about your interests beyond work, parenting, and self-maintenance? Did you ever talk to them about what is most important to you in terms of the kind of people you want them to be?

Did you spend any time with them volunteering? Any fun runs, etc. for charity? Were you part of a religious or humanist community?

If the answer to at least some of the above is yes, that will eventually come through.

If it’s no, then where would they have learned anything different?

YES to all of that!! I volunteer every week with an animal charity, dd used to come with me and she lost interest. We've volunteered for Feeding America and other food pantries. Ds used to volunteer a lot with a youth group but also lost interest in that. DH and I both read a lot, talk about current events, volunteered for campaigns, went to marches, have taken them to countless museums everywhere we go, read to them from infanthood until middle school. I think it's pretty obvious it bothers me because we are NOT like that at all! I will say we do eat healthy and both are physically active, but we are not shoppers, into brands, showing off, any of that.

Then don't worry too much. Your kids have a background of culture and education to draw on and will become more like you. It's the vapid teens without any good role models that will never grow up.

Do you make them clean the house, run regular chores, work to get a brand name T-shirt, help with yard work, etc. OR have you just doled out cash, and paid outside workers to mow the grass and clean the house? If everything’s been given to them, then there’s no grit or yearning to earn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.

Sure, a certain degree of this is normal, but what other values have you taught and modeled for them? Did they grow up seeing you reading or hear you and your partner talking about current events? Did you talk to them often about your interests beyond work, parenting, and self-maintenance? Did you ever talk to them about what is most important to you in terms of the kind of people you want them to be?

Did you spend any time with them volunteering? Any fun runs, etc. for charity? Were you part of a religious or humanist community?

If the answer to at least some of the above is yes, that will eventually come through.

If it’s no, then where would they have learned anything different?

YES to all of that!! I volunteer every week with an animal charity, dd used to come with me and she lost interest. We've volunteered for Feeding America and other food pantries. Ds used to volunteer a lot with a youth group but also lost interest in that. DH and I both read a lot, talk about current events, volunteered for campaigns, went to marches, have taken them to countless museums everywhere we go, read to them from infanthood until middle school. I think it's pretty obvious it bothers me because we are NOT like that at all! I will say we do eat healthy and both are physically active, but we are not shoppers, into brands, showing off, any of that.

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.

Sure, a certain degree of this is normal, but what other values have you taught and modeled for them? Did they grow up seeing you reading or hear you and your partner talking about current events? Did you talk to them often about your interests beyond work, parenting, and self-maintenance? Did you ever talk to them about what is most important to you in terms of the kind of people you want them to be?

Did you spend any time with them volunteering? Any fun runs, etc. for charity? Were you part of a religious or humanist community?

If the answer to at least some of the above is yes, that will eventually come through.

If it’s no, then where would they have learned anything different?

This is the complaint of every generation of parents, forever.

I hear you, OP. DH and I had intellectual pursuits as teens. I spent my free time reading the classics. My teen son is a history buff. My teen daughter spends her free time buried in her digital art projects. They are very informed on current events and have reasoned political and scientific opinions. Most of our friend circle is like this, with informed and educated teens.

And then occasionally we meet other teens who appear to care for nothing but their appearance, friend drama and external signs of wealth. I have to remind myself than they may very well grow up to be intelligent and well-informed adults!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you like 100 years old? Do you not remember being a teenager?

I'm not the OP, but I totally remember being a teenager and I cared about learning about current events - I remember joking that I watched MTV News because I understood Kurt Loder best of all newscasters, and religiously read Newsweek, and visited with my grandparents every Sunday morning, etc. And yes, I did all those things while ALSO caring about my looks, my friends, having fun, etc.

No wonder teens are stressed these days, it’s never enough for parents. They do 100 things right, why not 101?

Anonymous wrote:Are you like 100 years old? Do you not remember being a teenager?

I'm not the OP, but I totally remember being a teenager and I cared about learning about current events - I remember joking that I watched MTV News because I understood Kurt Loder best of all newscasters, and religiously read Newsweek, and visited with my grandparents every Sunday morning, etc. And yes, I did all those things while ALSO caring about my looks, my friends, having fun, etc.

So they do well in school, are active in sports, have social lives, take care of their health and seem to be happy….what are you seriously complaining about???

By the age of 16 or 17 they should be shifting into caring more about things beyond themselves. I work at a place with a HS intern and she's 16 and all she cares about is Lululemon, Uggs, food, soccer, and more Lululemon (I see her twice a month and she's never NOT mentioned that brand since we met last summer). Yesterday she talked about how she has no interest in politics, elections or voting. She also told me nobody goes to prom with dates even if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend because going with a group of friends is more fun. She spews opinions as facts and can't see the distinction at all.

But I also work with an 18 yr old senior who is a thousand times more mature than she is. Different background.

Are you like 100 years old? Do you not remember being a teenager?

Is it normal for teens to be very shallow? My kids basically just care about 1. how they look 2. working out and eating right 3. their friends and fun activities which to them is mostly shopping and listening to music, theme parks, outings with friends, sports. They both do very well in school but they see it as a job that needs to be done. They are not at all interested in schoolwork. How long does this last if it is normal? They are nearly 17.