Think about how kids go on vacations to foreign countries, meet other kids, no common language between them and yet still manage to figure out games to play and things to do to hang out together. Tossing a ball back and forth requires no language. Shooting hoops, baking, playing charades, going for a bike ride, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We choose mandarin for kids to learn because there are more resources(language school, books, tutoring) and more kids that can speak this language. It is supposed to be he most easiest compared to other languages that we can speak. Mandarin is not native language for any one of us.

I think that sounds like a great choice for your family. Two languages is a nice compromise for kids who struggle learning language early on, and choosing the language that's easiest for you to support makes sense.

But if your parents speak dialect or Cantonese to the kids, it's not going to hurt their Mandarin or their English. If anything, it will help them learn how to interpret nonverbal cues to figure out what people are saying, which means that if they're in settings like language school where other people are more fluent, they'll pick up more.

Plus grandparent time is precious!

Op here. We choose mandarin for kids to learn because there are more resources(language school, books, tutoring) and more kids that can speak this language. It is supposed to be he most easiest compared to other languages that we can speak. Mandarin is not native language for any one of us.

Even if your kids are just hearing the cadence of the language, and learning how to communicate nonverbally when they don't understand the words, that's a huge benefit to their future ability to learn a language, and their accent if they choose to travel or take up the language one day.

Plus they'll probably love their time together, and it will be nice for you to have a break!

Op here. I don't restrict screentime at home. Kids are 6 and 9. I talked to kids in 3 languages when they were small, and they were sent to children hospital evaluation and dx them with special needs with speech disorder with zero talking. I had to end up talking to them in English. Kids are learning Mandarin for few years which is DH's 2nd language, my 4th language, grandpa's 3rd language & grandma's 4th language. We had no choice to pick Mandarin out of our multi- language family.

Our family's language is a mess:
DH's language : English (1st), Mandarin (2nd, only can speak some)
My language: cantonese (1st), dialect1 (2nd, can only listen 90%, zero speaking), English (3rd), Mandarin (4th, can write/read, but only speak some), japanese (5th, can speak some)
Grandpa's language: Dialect1 (1st), Another dialect2 (2nd); Mandarin (3rd), Cantonese (4rd), English (5th, limited)
Grandma's language: Dialect1 (1st); Cantonese (2nd), English (3rd, limited); Mandarin (4th, limited)

It’s your fault for not speaking to your kids in native language

How old are the kids?

I grew up with babysitters who didn't speak English, and my kids have had the same. We figured out communication, and built relationships.

As long as you don’t have safety concerns, I think you should encourage the visits. The connection is valuable for its own sake, for many reasons. Moreover, you may be surprised what they can do together, even without a common language. My kids went to an immersion school, and it was amazing how much the K teachers were able to communicate, even though the kids didn’t understand a word initially. (FWIW, both my kids needed speech therapy in English, and one had major articulation issues.)

There are lots of activities they can do that don’t require a lot of talking - puzzles, games, going to the park, gardening, cooking, crafts, etc. Moreover, if there’s something that has to be communicated in words, they can probably use something like Google Translate to get the basic point across.

Even if they just watch TV, TV once a month isn’t going to hurt them. Just set the expectation that the rules are the same at your house as they’ve always been.

Frankly, I’d recommend having them watch TV in the other language at home, but you seem to want to restrict TV. I respect that choice , even if I disagree with DCUM’s perpetual disapproval of screens. Personally, I think screens are just another form of media and it’s the content of any media that should be judged. While there’s definitely some content on TV and the internet that kids should be protected from, and lots that have negligible value, screens can also provide exposure to information in ways that other media can’t, and language learning is one of those ways. The immersion school my kids went to kept a lending library of videos in that language so that kids could have more exposure to it.

It's very important your culture and language is not lost. Teach them the language and send them over regularly so your parents can also teach them. We don't even speak English at home since birth. They can still bond, and have the best time with grandpa and grandma.

Yes, they can still have a relationship with them. They could do things together like cooking, gardening, or putting together a puzzle.

My kids love grandparents (my mom & my dad). They are recently retired. They want to do sleepover once a month, and we live nearby. The problem is grandparents cannot communicate with them because they speak limited English. I fail teaching them home language, and they just are not good students picking up a foreign language. DH does not speak my language. What could they do except letting them watching tv? They still plan to do it once a month. If communication is an issue between them, would their relationship go on? They love their cooked food and watch tv. DD loves to cuddle with grandma.

I still try to teach my kids home language, but one kid has apraxia (problem with oral motor) & another kid has speech/learning disorder on English. That might be the reason why they could not learn home language well.