Whenever you are trying to figure out who is the bigger a-hole, it’s time to call it quits. If kids maybe try marriage counseling.

Mentally ill people frequently accuse others of what they themselves are doing. It’s all they know.

Anonymous wrote:Like he calls me out on how I text him if it’s insufficiently loving but when he’s angry he calls me obscene names and insults my race and religion with no apology.

He sounds like a juvenile loser.

I’d ignore him entirely when like that. If it’s getting to frequent plan your exit and then exit.

Yeah I get the feeling you drop some real doozies on him that you're not sharing as well to the point the verbal sparring has deteriorated to this point on both ends. You'll either divorce or both decide where you want rock bottom to be to take a serious stab at some form of healing/couples counseling.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you stay with anyone who called you an obscene name and insulted your race even once?

+1 I wouldn’t want to sit next to this guy in an airplane for an hour, or share an elevator with him for a minute. Can you leave him?

Why would you stay with anyone who called you an obscene name and insulted your race even once?

You're waking up to someone you care for who is so controlling, they rely on your empathy to excuse their behavior and perhaps shallow apologies. You need space from this to see it more clearly.

OP could be a troll, but there's lots of men like this. I generally think the term gaslighting is overused, but this can be a form of it (being highly abusive and then claiming partner is abusive or aggressive when she tries to stand up for herself or does not show enough love / deference / respect to satisfy the abuser). I don't like the tone of the responses here because many women do stay in these situations because they have been berated and broken down. They will acknowledge the husband is a jerk and unfair but fear leaving or acknowledging that it's real abuse. I hope OP isn't one of them and is in fact a troll.

How is an insufficiently unloving text aggressive? Are you leaving something out here? But it sounds like you are oil and water and in a toxic marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Like he calls me out on how I text him if it’s insufficiently loving but when he’s angry he calls me obscene names and insults my race and religion with no apology.

Anger issues. Have you rushed into marriage without getting to know him. Family counseling in order.

Please don't be another idiot that says "i cant divorce, we have kids". All you are doing is teaching them that this behavior is ok.

And you're married to him why?

Like he calls me out on how I text him if it’s insufficiently loving but when he’s angry he calls me obscene names and insults my race and religion with no apology.