My parents divorced when I was 11 -- so, from that point on, I had the sense that families are not necessarily permanent, and that my relationships with family members could change in ways that had little to do with me. When my Dad died, I ended up being his next of kin, something that is hard for me to imagine that he realized. That, too, meant changes in family relationships. When my Mom died, the hardest part was missing her -- what she might say, what her outlook on something might be. But her death also made me feel like an adult orphan -- unmoored, and without the family safety-net that I had had throughout my life. I think I'm more anxious and more appreciative. The clock is ticking. Nothing is promised. I want to use my life wisely and well -- even if that's in terms that other people might not agree with or even understand.

OP, everything IS different. There's a Before and an After each death, and that can include changes -- some anticipated, some intentional, and some not. My condolences to you on your loss. The wisest thing that someone said to me in similar circumstances was: Be Kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself, OP. This is rough, and you deserve kindness and peace.

It made me hopeful that heaven exists.

When my grandparents died, I learned how many distant relatives really were only civil to me out of pressure from them.

I would need to agree: adult sibling loss is tough. And having the sibling die when your folks are still alive can be tougher still.

I lost my dad when I was 18. It was unexpected. I had four siblings and my mom had to choose who to take care of. Though I was already mostly on my own, that was the end of any parental assistance.

On top of that, my mom, whom I lost 20!years later, was very traditional in terms of her view of women’s place in this world so she wasn’t emotionally supportive or otherwise proud of my accomplishments- which included getting myself through college, grad school and law school.

Every year when the anniversary of my dad’s death comes around, I literally can’t function and it’s been 45 years. I don’t feel tue same about my mom.

Neither parent met my kids and I never had any family help with kids and there is very little relationship between my family and my kids.

But even worse than losing a parent is losing a sibling.

Anonymous wrote:My mom died in February 2021 from cancer at age 60. I always thought she was going to live to at least 90 like her parents did. I'm at an increased risk of getting the same kind of cancer, so I travel at every chance I get and buy whatever I want, just in case I die early too. When I was younger, I always figured I'd live to 100, but now I wonder if I'm going to make it to 61. I am super jealous of my friends who still have their moms and hate having to hear about their moms. Most of them don't get what I went through and don't even text me for her death anniversary or birthday. When people complain about their moms, I want to punch them. I know that some people have rough relationships with their moms for very valid reasons, but I'm not the person to complain to. My dad is still absolutely gutted. This past Friday should have been her birthday. I asked one of my friends to go out with me, but she ditched me for a date instead.

Hugs! Be kind to yourself this Mother’s Day, enjoy her memories.

My mom died in February 2021 from cancer at age 60. I always thought she was going to live to at least 90 like her parents did. I'm at an increased risk of getting the same kind of cancer, so I travel at every chance I get and buy whatever I want, just in case I die early too. When I was younger, I always figured I'd live to 100, but now I wonder if I'm going to make it to 61. I am super jealous of my friends who still have their moms and hate having to hear about their moms. Most of them don't get what I went through and don't even text me for her death anniversary or birthday. When people complain about their moms, I want to punch them. I know that some people have rough relationships with their moms for very valid reasons, but I'm not the person to complain to. My dad is still absolutely gutted. This past Friday should have been her birthday. I asked one of my friends to go out with me, but she ditched me for a date instead.

Sometimes I think there is really something wrong with me. My father was a great person. He grew up in poverty, worked incredibly hard, and gave me and my sisters and my mom a really nice life. He loved and cared about us. He died the day before Christmas in 2021 at the age of 89 and it was a huge relief, as he had been in very bad shape for 18 months. Two of my three sisters had also died in the years leading up to that. I continue to feel a lot of pain from losing my sisters at pretty young ages (42 and 53), even years later. But losing my father did not change my life--other than now I have to deal with my mother and my one remaining sister, whom I love but is a huge pain in the butt, all by myself. I just accept death, especially of parents and especially when they're old, as a natural part of life. I miss him, but I just never understand people who act like it's tragic and like it should rock my world. Seriously, is there something wrong with me?

I lost my mom when she was 78 and my dad when he was 90. These were expected deaths so they didn't rock my world--I am sure my response would have been different if they died when I was younger.

The main change to my world view is that I am doing everything in my power to be in better shape as I age so that I don't have the long, slow, and difficult decline that they did. I am prioritizing my health and building a routine that includes regular mobility and strength training so that I can hopefully avoid their experience.

Lost my Dad at 27. A thin thread of melancholy woven into my life. My Mom when I was 51 right before Covid and eldest had left for college—I felt like that drawing of the Little Prince all alone on the planet. So off balance. Took a year (Covid added to the anxiety). I now put my time and love into my husband, children, oldest friends, my small extended family, nature, our pets (and work as a necessity). I tell my kids often (phone/text or in person) I love them.

Losing my parents (when I was 29 and 40) after prolonged illness/caretaking made me much more conscious of and intentional about end-of-life planning and decisions. It also made me feel that friends whose parents are younger/healthier couldn’t fully understand me; sometimes I hear my friends talking about their parents and I feel like they’re being delusional. While this may be true in some cases, it often isn’t - I’ve just gotten deeply, deeply cynical about how things will play out with elderly parents and their health.

Anonymous wrote:I was 18 when my mom died suddenly. It changed how I view friendship forever because I was shocked how many people were just uncomfortable with my grief and pulled away. Including older adults. My dad immediately began dating again, within months, and made it clear his new woman and soon wife was his priority, and this rocked my understanding of men and relationships because I had thought my parents had such a good marriage and that my dad and I had a special bond.

I had a rough, long grieving process and it made me much less trusting of other people, and it takes me a long time to want to open up and let someone new into my life. I fiercely value a small group of friends, and I am uninterested in superficial relationships of any kind.

I am so sorry. This sounds terrible. I recently lost a parent but not as a teen. I wish I know you so I could give you a big hug.

I am so sorry for your deep loss.
I lost my father in 2022.
The heartache is immense. It will take a long time to get accustomed to the new normal. The huge void is always there but the jar the void is in gets a little bigger to allow life to move on.
Prayers help me, I am glad his suffering is gone as I could not do anything more for him physically. Knowing he is in a better place helps me.
Grief is the price you pay for love.

I was 18 when my mom died suddenly. It changed how I view friendship forever because I was shocked how many people were just uncomfortable with my grief and pulled away. Including older adults. My dad immediately began dating again, within months, and made it clear his new woman and soon wife was his priority, and this rocked my understanding of men and relationships because I had thought my parents had such a good marriage and that my dad and I had a special bond.

I had a rough, long grieving process and it made me much less trusting of other people, and it takes me a long time to want to open up and let someone new into my life. I fiercely value a small group of friends, and I am uninterested in superficial relationships of any kind.

My father died. I am reeling. Everything feels different.

How did this impact your life?