Anonymous
03/25/2024 12:25
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:I had one of these serious conversations with a woman who was very cautious. I told her I was interested in a serious, exclusive relationship. In hindsight, I wish we had sexual activity before we became exclusive. W
After we started our exclusive relationship we had sex, and the the sex was mediocre. I thought she was wonderful as a person but I guess I just wasn't very attracted to her physically. My performance left a lot to be desired, though she was always more satisfied than I was (if you know what I mean), and getting in sync was really difficult. She thought I was just a nornal middle aged man and slow to rise, but with other women (before and after) that has not been a problem.
After a few months of hoping I would become more attracted to her, I broke up with her. I felt guilty and she was hurt.
My advice is that you should at least take off all your clothes before you become exclusive.
Was she overweight, had a big belly etc that was repulsive and thus you couldn't rise? Or something else?
You didn't have the correct conversation - promised relationship exclusivity before figuring out sexual compatibility. I'm a woman and I never commit to continuing sex for that long. I just ask him to stop sleeping with others, and give it a few tries just to figure out if we are sexually compatible. Seems like if he's not entangled seriously with anyone and likes me, it shouldn't be a problem for a man to agree to exclusive but non-committal sexual relationship to address each others' needs. I continue going out and texting with other men but don't take any dinner/weekend evenings dates offers for a few weeks to give time to figure things out.
But if the guy tells no to trying and learning each other closer without having it spoilt by his sexual commitments to others, I move on.
Anonymous
03/25/2024 12:20
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:And this thread reminds me of why I am happily married 🥲
Oh, there is a very good chance you will be dealing with this one day. Until then enjoy your smugness.
Anonymous
03/25/2024 12:08
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:It’s been a long time since I dated. When do you have conversations about what you want out of the relationship? Is it weeks or months in? Assuming you both want the same general things, when are you talking about feelings and being exclusive?
I have conversations about what I want out of a relationship before the first date. If we aren't at all aligned on that, we shouldn't be going on a date. Like, if I am looking for an exclusive partner but not necessarily someone I want to marry, and they are looking to play the field indefinitely, then we shouldn't date.
Anonymous
03/25/2024 11:58
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:And this thread reminds me of why I am happily married 🥲
Well goody for you?
Anonymous
03/25/2024 11:34
Subject: Dating in your 40s
I had one of these serious conversations with a woman who was very cautious. I told her I was interested in a serious, exclusive relationship. In hindsight, I wish we had sexual activity before we became exclusive. W
After we started our exclusive relationship we had sex, and the the sex was mediocre. I thought she was wonderful as a person but I guess I just wasn't very attracted to her physically. My performance left a lot to be desired, though she was always more satisfied than I was (if you know what I mean), and getting in sync was really difficult. She thought I was just a nornal middle aged man and slow to rise, but with other women (before and after) that has not been a problem.
After a few months of hoping I would become more attracted to her, I broke up with her. I felt guilty and she was hurt.
My advice is that you should at least take off all your clothes before you become exclusive.
After we started our exclusive relationship we had sex, and the the sex was mediocre. I thought she was wonderful as a person but I guess I just wasn't very attracted to her physically. My performance left a lot to be desired, though she was always more satisfied than I was (if you know what I mean), and getting in sync was really difficult. She thought I was just a nornal middle aged man and slow to rise, but with other women (before and after) that has not been a problem.
After a few months of hoping I would become more attracted to her, I broke up with her. I felt guilty and she was hurt.
My advice is that you should at least take off all your clothes before you become exclusive.
Anonymous
03/25/2024 07:14
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:It’s been a long time since I dated. When do you have conversations about what you want out of the relationship? Is it weeks or months in? Assuming you both want the same general things, when are you talking about feelings and being exclusive?
I’m assuming you just got out of a marriage or long term relationship. That should have taught you to go for exactly what you want. Have relationship conversations as soon or as late as you are ready. The right person for you will be on the same page and anyone who is turned off by your timing for exclusivity and feelings is NOT the right one. Don’t end up with the wrong one again.
Anonymous
03/25/2024 07:08
Subject: Dating in your 40s
And this thread reminds me of why I am happily married 🥲
Anonymous
03/25/2024 06:15
Subject: Dating in your 40s
Anonymous wrote:I tak about it relatively early. What’s the point of falling for them if you are misaligned?
This. I get attached from sex so I talk about it before any happens. Plus I want to keep my number low. Not worth it if you aren’t LTR material.
Anonymous
03/24/2024 12:14
Subject: Re:Dating in your 40s
Definitely before I sleep with him and that’s at least a few dates and plenty of calls. Bits and pieces come up on each date so it’s not like a come to Jesus session. The only exception was a blind date with a guy from out of town here on business who was very good looking and ended up being a ONS.
Anonymous
03/24/2024 08:36
Subject: Re:Dating in your 40s
Exclusivity talk comes when he asks for sex. I ask if he plans to sleep with others while sleeping with me, when was his last sec and depending on answer ask for a dated STD test (should be at least 3 weeks post last sex). If he doesn’t feel like stopping sleeping with others for me, I move on.
Anonymous
03/24/2024 08:26
Subject: Dating in your 40s
I tak about it relatively early. What’s the point of falling for them if you are misaligned?
Anonymous
03/23/2024 20:51
Subject: Dating in your 40s
I talk about what I want immediately. No time to waste. I won’t remarry: not having more kids. Exclusive talk comes up only if it starts getting physical. I am looking for a long term situation but not marriage. Woman here.
Anonymous
03/23/2024 20:47
Subject: Re:Dating in your 40s
Wrong question - what are you comfortably with ? Do you mind if your date is screwing others at the same time ? At the end of the day a woman has options and men less so. So you’ll just get better at setting your expectations with experience
Anonymous
03/23/2024 20:02
Subject: Dating in your 40s
It'll be different for everyone, but at about a month, I like to consider being exclusive. I have a pretty free schedule, though, so if your time is more limited, and you only see him once a week, you might need more time to get to know each other first.
Anonymous
03/23/2024 19:46
Subject: Dating in your 40s
It’s been a long time since I dated. When do you have conversations about what you want out of the relationship? Is it weeks or months in? Assuming you both want the same general things, when are you talking about feelings and being exclusive?