NP. I am happily married but I have two close friends who are divorcing or divorced. Both are high-earning and successful, both have good relationships with their kids, both are attractive. They are chased relentlessly by men. Both have literally no interest in marriage. The men who are chasing them are obviously looking for caregivers and sugar mamas. They are entitled, demanding, and whiny. The men bring very little to the table. I’ve seen the texts from these men, and it’s just crazy how entitled they are.

Anonymous wrote:I never met a man worth marrying. Married one with some serious mental issues. He never worked, was physically and mentally abusive, and put me into $40k debt. The whole family stays away from work. Not sure why.
I also dated one that threw himself on the bed like a toddler because his daughter misplaced a shirt he wanted to wear for his birthday. This one I need help to diagnose.
Another one did things that hurt him just to hurt others. He wasn't in control of his feelings at the end. Very rigid and stubborn.Made excuses that made no sense. He finally took himself out.
There were many others I never even gave a chance. Those made the cut and you want me to get married?

You have mental issues since you chose to marry someone with serious mental issues who never worked and was abusive.

It’s just too hard. I’m fairly happily married, but if that were to end I just cannot take on the neediness again, not to mention expectation of sex.

I make my own money. In fact, I get to pay alimony to my ex. My children are going to be just fine financially.

I don't have a high sex drive at this point in my life. I've done all the wild and crazy and kinky things. BTDT. I get a lot more satisfaction from taking care of myself, which takes a few minutes, then having a nice meal and a great massage. Not necessarily in that order.

I'm annoyed by other people's emotional needs, particularly grown ass men who need to be coddled.

I’m getting out of a relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive (threats, false accusations, yelling/screaming/raging, etc.).

However I can still remember the good parts of the relationship. I think there are socially and personally useful things about having a partner and relationship that is recognized as primary. The commitment can help with planning, but more than that being family is valuable.

Could you have all that without being married? Of course. But I do think that I’d like to fall in love again and with the right person experience things like engagement, wedding, etc. and see if it feels different. I did love my STBX. But there was always something off because of the anger issues. I wonder if I missed out on having a very happy marriage and I would be interested in trying to build that with the right person.

What’s the value prop? I already have kids and make plenty of money. All my emotional needs are met by friends & family. I do have physical needs too, but I certainly don’t need marriage in order to get those needs met. I’m not dead set against it or anything but I’m also not out on the apps desperately looking for it.

I never met a man worth marrying. Married one with some serious mental issues. He never worked, was physically and mentally abusive, and put me into $40k debt. The whole family stays away from work. Not sure why.
I also dated one that threw himself on the bed like a toddler because his daughter misplaced a shirt he wanted to wear for his birthday. This one I need help to diagnose.
Another one did things that hurt him just to hurt others. He wasn't in control of his feelings at the end. Very rigid and stubborn.Made excuses that made no sense. He finally took himself out.
There were many others I never even gave a chance. Those made the cut and you want me to get married?

Anonymous wrote:I have spent thirty years taking care of everyone's needs except my own. I have zero interest in taking on more.

Say it again sister! Done!

I mean ... why bother? Why take a vow to love and cherish on one person forever, when you already took that vow? And it clearly didn't take? It's 2024 -- you can share your life with someone nowadays without partaking in a misogynistic institution anyway.

If my husband died, I would not remarry. Being married is hard work, even in a good marriage. It's full of unexpected issues. I'm too old and set in my ways to make space for another person in my life. I don't want to do the work. Been there, done that. I would much prefer my freedom to run my life and house exactly as I please.

I have spent thirty years taking care of everyone's needs except my own. I have zero interest in taking on more.

Anonymous wrote:All of the above.

+1! I read the op and I was, Yes!

I think part of it is your age and where you are in life. Divorced at 50, not interested in dealing with another man, certainly don't want to raise stepkids. Have my own kids I don't want to take time from, and of course I'm not birthing anymore kids. I have a good career, aging parents, and am thinking about my own eventual retirement.

If I had been, say, 30 when I divorced, I might have felt different. I would have wanted more kids probably (and I prefer to be married to have had them).

I'm not lonely. I have adult kids and a minor child still (1 adult and the minor kid live with me). My parents and sibling, cousins...I work, volunteer/church a lot, even got a cat lol. My life is full, and I hope to have grandchildren, and to be an involved grandmother. I want to help their parents like my folks helped me with my kids over the years.

So no, no need nor desire to remarry.

I likely will never remarry. For me, it's that I am cursed with heterosexuality, but find most cishet men to be entitled jerks.

I'd rather stay alone than spend another couple of decades being annoyed by a partner who doesn't share my values.

All of the above.

I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.