Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

Pretty sad. Perhaps if your mom supported you better you would have been able to make it work.

Weird that you blame the Mom. My first Q would be "how did the parents end up living so far apart - who made that choice and why?". Because it's pretty dang hard to have a relationship when one spouse moves far away from the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

Pretty sad. Perhaps if your mom supported you better you would have been able to make it work.

My dad could have avoided the issue by not moving two states away from my hometown, the only thing my mom did wrong was trying to force me to go to my dad's when i clearly didn't want to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Yes, I think a relationship with both parents is important too. But, I recognize that the quality of the relationship and the degree to which it involves the parent and child being physically dependent on how the parent invests in the relationship. (and I don't mean a monetary investment)

My DCs chose to see less and less of their father because of choices he made. He did not make the investment of his time, attention, support and personal sacrifice for their benefit, and, as they grew older, they realized that and set boundaries.

Many men want to believe that the lack of a relationship is due to some kind of alienation by the spouse. They think they are entitled to a certain kind of relationship by virtue of being a birth parent, and they prefer to blame the spouse than self-examine their parenting and adjust. Yes, women can do this too.

Once the kids start getting busy with sports and their social life, schlepping back and forth becomes a real pain.

Does dad encourage a healthy relationship? Can DC still live his life? Being flexible is key.

Ultimately though, DC has to go until they turn 18. Their opinion doesn't matter, sadly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Legally speaking, custody and visitation are unconnected to child support. A parent who choose not to take the former or a child choosing not to participate in the former is still obligated to the latter.

You might feel this is unfair, but it is the law.

Legally speaking no. But, if you are terminating the relationship against the other parents wishes they should not be financially supporting a child who is choosing to have a relationship with them. It very much should be tied in. They need to change the laws to support both parents having relationships with the kids.

Somewhere in HS they stopped the formal every other weekend and every other Wednesday because of school/social obligations. But if they missed one they'd make sure to make the other, and their dad is flexible - maybe it's Tuesday or Thursday, or just Saturday night to Sunday rather than Friday to Sunday.

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Legally speaking, custody and visitation are unconnected to child support. A parent who choose not to take the former or a child choosing not to participate in the former is still obligated to the latter.

You might feel this is unfair, but it is the law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

No, I’m someone who thinks a relationship is important with both parents. So, really you want to get out of paying child support.

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

Oh, you're one of those dads who thinks the visitation is because "I pay." That's not how it works.

Anonymous wrote:My child is going on 16 and has, in passing, mentioned not seeing his father on weekends. He currently goes every weekend.

Is this pretty much par the course? I assumed 18, but maybe that's a bit late.

I think it's more typical to do a 50/50 situation where the child sees each parent every other weekend. Maybe that would be better for your son.

You keep posting. No one can give you permission to terminate visits. Stop manipulating your child and support them having a relationship with their dad. You are going to screw them up big time.

Or, call dad and tell him no more visits. Stop taking child support, health insurance and everything else he provides since you are stopping his parental rights.

I don't have a kid in this situation but i stopped visiting my dad when I was 11, The long distance travel and spending months away from home was too much for me.

I see to make Dc call their dad (who lives out of state) according to agreement. When DC was 10, expressed they didn't like it. He never called so I didn't make DC call. And that's it. Unfortunately dad is not a good one.

My 17 year stopped having defined dates a few years ago. Now he and dad just coordinate and let me know. I'd say he spends the night at dad house 1-2x per week and 2 weekends a month. Dad will also show up at school events or sports and DS might decide that he wants to go home with dad that night.

My child is going on 16 and has, in passing, mentioned not seeing his father on weekends. He currently goes every weekend.

Is this pretty much par the course? I assumed 18, but maybe that's a bit late.