Has he been tested for learning disabilities?

He needs meds.
A low dose stimulant has been LIFE CHANGING for my teenage son with mild ADHD. He started in 10th grade and one of my biggest regrets in life is not having him see a child psychiatrist earlier.

The medication has improved his executive functioning about 100 times over.

Does he have an IEP?

Anonymous wrote:He has mild ADD, doesn’t want to take the meds for it. He is not depressed, with exception to his grades but part of him doesn’t care or rather he accepts he’s not “smart” - in his words.

In math, I hired an expensive tutor and he now has a B - this is after I spent so much money on mathnasium which is futile. I cannot hire a professional tutor for religion, spanish and English too. He’s 15, Feb. birthday. I threatened to make him repeat a grade, this is after being so “good” not yelling at him the last couple years. He’s sensitive.

He is going to get a job this summer, should i make him fork over some money towards all the tutoring? I am beside myself.

Take his phone.

I would ask your expensive math tutor what they think. How did that grade come up? Is it because he was missing or misunderstanding instruction, and the tutor was able to build understanding by going back over the material? Is it because the tutor held his hand and forced him to put in more practice time? Is it something else, like a different learning style?

You’ve hired a professional who succeeded, so leverage that relationship.

Does he need to take Spanish and religion? Those aren’t classes I’d encourage him to waste effort on if his ability is limited.

Work with internal resources. Talk with his counselor.

I agree with the poster saying to just accept him as he is. What does he want to do? Does he have interests outside of school? I'd focus on what he does well.

Not taking meds was not an option in our house. We were sensitive to the side effects, and tried to alleviate them, and were generally incredibly supportive with executive issues, did not burden him with chores in the last few years of high school, accommodated many of his quirks... but As were a must, apart from AP Calc BC, which was too hard for him, which everyone recognized. Thankfully we did have money to pay for tutors. In your case, I would coach him for his executive function issues (we did that ourselves because the executive function coach was a bridge too far), and convince him to take his meds. Maybe he needs a different kind of stimulant as well, or a different dose.

And instead of yelling and threatening, EXPLAIN what higher grades can offer: merit aid, or a spot in a better college. This materially impacts him, because if you save money on tuition, that's money left over for a car you could buy for him, or a down payment on future housing, or something else... he sounds as if he isn't aware of the financial ramifications of academic success.

I think some of the school districts have free online tutoring. APS does. Maybe try that. I also know people who have used online/international tutors for STEM subjects and it can be really inexpensive (like $15/hour)

What do his teachers say?

Ask his teacher to help him during office hours. Sometimes more than their help, their 101 attention and holding kid accountable helps kid get focused.

Accept that school isn't what he's passionate about. Encourage free interests like plumbing.

You have not gotten to the root of his depression, but that's what I'm seeing in what you described. He has a negative self-image and that is demotivating him.

Also, what role does his father play?

He has mild ADD, doesn’t want to take the meds for it. He is not depressed, with exception to his grades but part of him doesn’t care or rather he accepts he’s not “smart” - in his words.

In math, I hired an expensive tutor and he now has a B - this is after I spent so much money on mathnasium which is futile. I cannot hire a professional tutor for religion, spanish and English too. He’s 15, Feb. birthday. I threatened to make him repeat a grade, this is after being so “good” not yelling at him the last couple years. He’s sensitive.

He is going to get a job this summer, should i make him fork over some money towards all the tutoring? I am beside myself.