Anonymous
Post 03/13/2024 09:39     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:From K-4, his classmates made fun of him for "being smart." Really, it was that he would bring up topics that they didn't care about - they wanted to talk about video games and would call him names when he changed the subject. We finally convinced him it's not ok to change the subject when a group has made it clear they want to talk about something. And that kids his age don't want to hear about the failure of the Gallipoli campaign or how insulin is produced.

Now in 5th grade, his classmates have stopped teasing him, and he's learned to talk Roblox (which he doesn't particularly about), but it bores him, and he wants to be around kids who talk about different things. How do we find other kids like this? Neighborhood searches haven't panned out. A few summer camp last year were helpful, but it was just a few weeks. Advice?


Does your kid have HFA? I don’t intend to diagnose him & have zero credentials for doing so, but this sounds like textbook HFA… especially changing the subject to a niche subject of interest & not following/understanding the social cues to not do that without help.


He does not. He just watched a lot of YouTube and just stumbled upon things he found really interesting. Once his classmates became overtly nasty about it, he realized he was socially awkward.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 23:27     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
How about Northwind? Roblox game based on colonial era Canada.

https://www.roblox.com/games/4540286603/NORTHWIND

https://roblox.fandom.com/wiki/NORTHWIND_HUB/NORTHWIND
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 22:51     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are the things he likes to talk about?


The gallipoli campaign duhh


This doesn’t strike as that odd. Lots of kids like talking about historical battles be it WWI or Roman Empire. There must be something about the way he’s communicating about battles that’s turning people off.

I say this as someone with an elementary daughter who loves fantasy books and she still manages to find others who share her special interest.

The only other problem I see is that your son seems fixated on this specific group of friends. When my daughter wanted to talk about fantasy books she had to find the quieter kids who she might not have interacted much before. Her regular group of outgoing soccer girls were not interested and she had enough social skills to not try to force the topic. Obviously, you have to be open to meeting new people for this to work.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 22:38     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Summer is just around the corner. Sign him up for science camps.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 22:05     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:As someone with obscure interests at that age I kept them to myself (actually I bored the hell out of my mom with them). I tried finding friends but it wasn’t until HS I found other quirky people. Not the same interests but same quirky nerdy tendencies. Sorry not very helpful.

That’s true, it’s easier to find other quirky people in HS.

Since OP is asking about where to find them while in ES—I’d say putting him in groups with likeminded. Even if it’s mixed ages.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 21:15     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
As someone with obscure interests at that age I kept them to myself (actually I bored the hell out of my mom with them). I tried finding friends but it wasn’t until HS I found other quirky people. Not the same interests but same quirky nerdy tendencies. Sorry not very helpful.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 20:58     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
I didn't find friends with my niche interests until college. I'm not really in touch with anyone from before then. It was pretty lonely.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 20:55     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:From K-4, his classmates made fun of him for "being smart." Really, it was that he would bring up topics that they didn't care about - they wanted to talk about video games and would call him names when he changed the subject. We finally convinced him it's not ok to change the subject when a group has made it clear they want to talk about something. And that kids his age don't want to hear about the failure of the Gallipoli campaign or how insulin is produced.

Now in 5th grade, his classmates have stopped teasing him, and he's learned to talk Roblox (which he doesn't particularly about), but it bores him, and he wants to be around kids who talk about different things. How do we find other kids like this? Neighborhood searches haven't panned out. A few summer camp last year were helpful, but it was just a few weeks. Advice?


Does your kid have HFA? I don’t intend to diagnose him & have zero credentials for doing so, but this sounds like textbook HFA… especially changing the subject to a niche subject of interest & not following/understanding the social cues to not do that without help.


I was wondering about autism and saw the same red flags.

But, OP, he finds kids with common interests through activities based on those interests. You haven't given us enough information about what he's interested in, but outschool is a good place to find kids all interested in niche topics.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 20:52     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:From K-4, his classmates made fun of him for "being smart." Really, it was that he would bring up topics that they didn't care about - they wanted to talk about video games and would call him names when he changed the subject. We finally convinced him it's not ok to change the subject when a group has made it clear they want to talk about something. And that kids his age don't want to hear about the failure of the Gallipoli campaign or how insulin is produced.

Now in 5th grade, his classmates have stopped teasing him, and he's learned to talk Roblox (which he doesn't particularly about), but it bores him, and he wants to be around kids who talk about different things. How do we find other kids like this? Neighborhood searches haven't panned out. A few summer camp last year were helpful, but it was just a few weeks. Advice?


Does your kid have HFA? I don’t intend to diagnose him & have zero credentials for doing so, but this sounds like textbook HFA… especially changing the subject to a niche subject of interest & not following/understanding the social cues to not do that without help.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 18:11     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:What are the things he likes to talk about?


The gallipoli campaign duhh
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 18:09     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
What are the things he likes to talk about?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 18:08     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
Anonymous wrote:From K-4, his classmates made fun of him for "being smart." Really, it was that he would bring up topics that they didn't care about - they wanted to talk about video games and would call him names when he changed the subject. We finally convinced him it's not ok to change the subject when a group has made it clear they want to talk about something. And that kids his age don't want to hear about the failure of the Gallipoli campaign or how insulin is produced.

Now in 5th grade, his classmates have stopped teasing him, and he's learned to talk Roblox (which he doesn't particularly about), but it bores him, and he wants to be around kids who talk about different things. How do we find other kids like this? Neighborhood searches haven't panned out. A few summer camp last year were helpful, but it was just a few weeks. Advice?


Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 18:07     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
You’re not going to like this, but you should actually encourage him to get into video games. Mostly likely there will be very few people interested in his obscure interests unless he eventually becomes a professor in a very niche field. He needs to find common ground.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 18:05     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
This is actually why I didn’t shelter my DCs from following their interests, even if it’s video games or Youtube, within reason.

I would probably start by looking into CTY camps, library kids events, chess and math club type of places.

Anonymous
Post 03/12/2024 16:23     Subject: 11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests
From K-4, his classmates made fun of him for "being smart." Really, it was that he would bring up topics that they didn't care about - they wanted to talk about video games and would call him names when he changed the subject. We finally convinced him it's not ok to change the subject when a group has made it clear they want to talk about something. And that kids his age don't want to hear about the failure of the Gallipoli campaign or how insulin is produced.

Now in 5th grade, his classmates have stopped teasing him, and he's learned to talk Roblox (which he doesn't particularly about), but it bores him, and he wants to be around kids who talk about different things. How do we find other kids like this? Neighborhood searches haven't panned out. A few summer camp last year were helpful, but it was just a few weeks. Advice?