Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At times we’ve gotten to know DC’s SO’s, dinners with the other parents, vacations where the SO has joined us. While we enjoyed getting to know the SO and we want to be warm and welcoming, our priority is always our DC - their choices and wellbeing trump everything and everyone else so that no, I don’t find it hard when they decide it’s time to move on.

So your child has never been dumped & you have never had to feel any emotion about their pain.

No DC two major relationships, has done the breaking up.

And you can feel sad for them but why are you making their emotional pain your burden?

I don’t really understand parents who text their kid’s girl/boyfriends or those who communicate after the breakup. I am kind to anyone who walks thru my front door, but until they are engaged, I am not their family.

Anonymous wrote:pp above, I should add that if my kid is engaged, then yes I consider them part of the family. Otherwise, I invite them to dinners, holidays and have invited on vacations to the beach, but I keep them at arms length and I dont befriend their family other than pleasantries. it's my kids business not mine.

+1

Not a single poster said anything about interfering, what we’ve said is that it’s not our business and therefore we don’t develop feelings of any kind around the other person or relationship. We do not allow ourselves to for instance, socialize with the parents or consider the SO a family member (unless married). That way if they break up, there is no loss for us, just consoling for our kid. My kids have always been the one who broke off the relationship tho I’ve had my share of heartbreak for them as they’ve fallen for someone who isn’t interested. It’s fine to be sad for your kid but if you’re saying you miss the SO, then you’ve gotten too close. That’s your kids relationship, not yours, so those people should be welcomed yes, but not to the point where you miss them when they’re gone.

Anonymous wrote:I think posters here are conflating feeling sadness over a breakup & meddling/interfering in your child’s relationships.
I am the pp who was sad about 2 breakups in particular. When those happened, just like other breakups that my kids’ experienced, my priority is always my child.
I believe in welcoming their SOs openly, & the same goes for friends & college roommates. I like to welcome all of my children’s favorite people.
I can still be sad internally, when someone who was a fun part of those holidays & trips is no longer joining us- & also completely be supportive of our children’s choices in friendships & partnerships. Obviously not something we’d discuss with them. But we’re not robots, it’s ok to feel a twinge of sadness in some cases.

+1. OP here. Yes, other posters are willfully conflating the two, thank you. I do wrestle with not associating at all, but that is not my personality, nor the vibe of our home.

Anonymous wrote:At times we’ve gotten to know DC’s SO’s, dinners with the other parents, vacations where the SO has joined us. While we enjoyed getting to know the SO and we want to be warm and welcoming, our priority is always our DC - their choices and wellbeing trump everything and everyone else so that no, I don’t find it hard when they decide it’s time to move on.

So your child has never been dumped & you have never had to feel any emotion about their pain.

I think posters here are conflating feeling sadness over a breakup & meddling/interfering in your child’s relationships.
I am the pp who was sad about 2 breakups in particular. When those happened, just like other breakups that my kids’ experienced, my priority is always my child.
I believe in welcoming their SOs openly, & the same goes for friends & college roommates. I like to welcome all of my children’s favorite people.
I can still be sad internally, when someone who was a fun part of those holidays & trips is no longer joining us- & also completely be supportive of our children’s choices in friendships & partnerships. Obviously not something we’d discuss with them. But we’re not robots, it’s ok to feel a twinge of sadness in some cases.

At times we’ve gotten to know DC’s SO’s, dinners with the other parents, vacations where the SO has joined us. While we enjoyed getting to know the SO and we want to be warm and welcoming, our priority is always our DC - their choices and wellbeing trump everything and everyone else so that no, I don’t find it hard when they decide it’s time to move on.

pp above, I should add that if my kid is engaged, then yes I consider them part of the family. Otherwise, I invite them to dinners, holidays and have invited on vacations to the beach, but I keep them at arms length and I dont befriend their family other than pleasantries. it's my kids business not mine.

nope. I do not allow myself to get close to the significant other. They are not my friend, or child, they are my kids significant other. I know moms who absolutely gush over their DD's boyfriend and then man its embarassing when they break up and the mom is overinvolved.

I did twice. I really like the SOs, they were long term relationships so we spent time together, holidays, vacations, etc. In one case, we became friends with the parents & it was really nice - they are great people & were very kind to my child & helped them grow in great ways.
So those breakups were hard, since I really enjoyed my relationship with them/their family. I guess some would say that’s a reason to not get close to your child’s SO, but I wouldn’t change anything. I’m glad I spent time with them, invited them to our holidays & things, & I’ll keep doing that for future SOs.

Nope. it's not my life.

If it was a good and caring person then for sure I'll be sad they aren't part of my kid's life anymore. If relationship forum teaches you anything, its how rare it is to find a good and long term partner. Obviously, its none of my business but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my feelings.

No. Ew.

Do you have a harder time with breakups (of your kid and their significant other) than they seem to? I keep it to myself of course, but hoping for some commiseration.