I completely get you. I've lost at least 2 male children on my infertility journey. Lost as in I was pregnant for months before they died. I know that I would have gender dysphoria if only because of all the babies I had lost and dreamed of.

If gender matters at all, you shouldn't have another.

Thank you for all of the thoughtful responses. I truly appreciate it. I do have some health issues, I had gestational diabetes and hypertension with turned into pre-eclampsia and a permanent injury which results in there being some days that my husband has to do the lions share of the physical caretaking of our child. He is so kind and has never complained about having to do that, but it weighs on me.

He would prefer one child, and I don’t take that lightly. I also know that if it was something I wanted badly he would do it. But I don’t want to exploit that knowing that there will be times he will have to pitch in more. So I do feel like this ends up being a decision that I have to make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.

Can you do another retrieval?

We decided not to do anymore retrievals, we have spent so much money already (5 rounds of IVF to get just 2 normal embryos).

Well then I’d do it regardless of gender because your child will always have a sibling. If you wait too long you may have regrets. I’ve never met someone who has had regrets about having a second.

I didn’t have infertility issues but I had difficult pregnancies with bed rest snd concern of premature deliveries. We were going back and forth on being “one and done” or having another. We decided that we’d probably regret not at least giving it a try.

I know that regardless of gender you’re going to fall in love your child. If it was a “natural” pregnancy you wouldn’t even have the knowlege of the gender weighing on your decision. But if you truly don’t want another child, then don’t. it’s going to change your whole life’s course…. For you, your husband, your other kid, and everyone this kid impacts for their whole life.

If it’s the same gender as the first kid I would have it so they can have a buddy

Don't do it. Honestly if you're not feeling it now the pregnancy with a toddler is rough and then watching your relationship change with #1 is really hard if you're already feeling blah towards the embryo. But to be clear gender disappointment is real and honest and totally okay. If I was in my 40s and we were in a good groove I'm not sure Id risk the disruption for a baby I wasn't 100 percent sold on.

I'm not discounting all the good that can come from #2 but it doesn't sound like you guys want or are ready

Not sure if it helps- a little different. But we ended up with 2 of the same gender and 1 of another. We transferred the 1 thinking we could always give one of the remaining two a try one day. This pregnancy has been so traumatic that if this baby makes it here in one piece I think we are absolutely done. There is no way I'm doing this again with a child in foot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.

Can you do another retrieval?

We decided not to do anymore retrievals, we have spent so much money already (5 rounds of IVF to get just 2 normal embryos).

How was the egg retrieval? I heard so many different stories. Is sex off the table with hubby?

I think if you aren’t excited about another child, it’s a sign to stop.

Anonymous wrote:That's where I'm leaning, but I feel like a jerk that the gender would make a difference. But then even if it was the gender I was hoping for, I am not sure I'd be 100%. I think I'm also just feeling PTSD from years of infertility and all of the stress and heartache of it. I feel very confused. I'm in my early 40s so I don't have much time to decide.

Maybe you would have found out it was what you wanted and come up with another reason. Enjoy your baby. Enjoy being done. You don't owe anyone a second.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.

Can you do another retrieval?

We decided not to do anymore retrievals, we have spent so much money already (5 rounds of IVF to get just 2 normal embryos).

Anonymous wrote:is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.

Can you do another retrieval?

That's where I'm leaning, but I feel like a jerk that the gender would make a difference. But then even if it was the gender I was hoping for, I am not sure I'd be 100%. I think I'm also just feeling PTSD from years of infertility and all of the stress and heartache of it. I feel very confused. I'm in my early 40s so I don't have much time to decide.

Anonymous wrote:is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.

Then don’t have it!! You could end up resenting your kid. You already have one kid and 2 kids isn’t double the work - it’s like triple the work.

is the opposite gender of what you were hoping, would that affect your decision? I am trying to not have it affect my decision, but finding it not easy.