Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens. Of course, you are burning some bridges with the person who went to bat for your kid.

Why would it be a burned bridge? Anyone in the world understands that sometimes another school is the better option for a kid.

If another school is a better option, you DO NOT ask a connection for help. Your friend/relative is using their influence to help your kid. They don’t do this for just casual acquaintances. People with these sorts of connections only do this for relatives or very close friends. By declining, you are making them look foolish to their colleagues or contemporaries. Also, the next time they try to help someone out their “good word” will not have as much pull with the admissions office. OP, don’t use the connection unless your kid will 100% go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It happens. Of course, you are burning some bridges with the person who went to bat for your kid.

Why would it be a burned bridge? Anyone in the world understands that sometimes another school is the better option for a kid.

No offense, but people with absolutely zero true connections are weighing in on "how they would feel".

You aren't actually putting yourself in the shoes of people with real connections. Let's face it...they tend to be wealthy donors, trustees, renowned professors...people with big egos. Those people aren't going to be happy they went to bat for your kid likely directly to the President of the University and the Head of Admissions...and your kid went elsewhere.

Again, if you really no someone with connections it will burn a bridge to go elsewhere. You honestly think that person will help you with kid #2?

It’s fine. It happens.

Anonymous wrote:I would not care if I served as a connection and the student chose a different school. They are 18 for crying out loud and need to do what is best for them.

Same

Anonymous wrote:It happens. Of course, you are burning some bridges with the person who went to bat for your kid.

Why would it be a burned bridge? Anyone in the world understands that sometimes another school is the better option for a kid.

I did this for grad school, but I was choosing between two schools where two different connections had gone to bat for me.

I have a relative who has tons of money and is a huge donor at two top universities (we are talking buildings names after them). What I’ve seen happen is that his grandkids who are good students but not stellar get wait listed. ). If the kid decides it’s their first choice, the kid gets in off the wait list.

What I have also seen happen is a pressure for the grand kid to decide how much kid wants to go to the school before even applying. Like, a feeling of, we don’t want to push for you unless it’s at least a first or second choice.

Two of the grandkids were super good students and got in and decided to go to other schools. Family was transparent that might happen.

This is not a direct answer to your question but it perhaps provides some insight - basically the connected relative does try not to burn bridges with the admisssions office.

I would only use a connection if my child wanted to ED.

I would only use a true "connection" if my kid was absolutely going if accepted. I guess in my mind, the only connections I can maybe see amounting to anything are: (i) someone on the Board of trustees of the university, or (ii) someone in management / esteemed, well-known professor at the university.

No way you reach out to one of those looking for a favor and then turn it down.

DC did not "use" a connection per se, but did list people we knew who were connected to the school in response to a question where that fit. I do think it helped gain acceptance at one of the schools that DC ultimately did not attend. The contact was not asked to do anything though, so no sweat off their brow.

The connection would have to be a person with considerable power to really tip the scales of admission. If the person is just a regular alumni that put in a good word, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

I wouldn’t use a connection unless it my kid would 100% go if admitted. It is a discussion you need to have with your DC before the connection is used, not after!

Weigh the importance of the relationship. I have some where I know this could happen so going in, know whether it's a bridge you're willing to burn. BUT - people will tell you if it matters. I have one favor I did not use because they were clear that it had to be top choice. Others have said "I will have to mention that it's not the number one choice."

Be honest, I have had some ask "Is it the first choice?" and I reply honestly with "it's one or two" or "it's the top reasonable choice".

I would not care if I served as a connection and the student chose a different school. They are 18 for crying out loud and need to do what is best for them.

It happens. Of course, you are burning some bridges with the person who went to bat for your kid.

I am curious how this plays out. Child says I am interested in so and so school, a relative/close friend uses their connection to school to maybe tip the scales towards acceptance, and then the child goes to a different school for various reasons - money, prestige, etc. In this scenario there's no way to know if the connection actually helped because the student was qualified and may have gotten in on his/her own.

Any experiences would be helpful. Thank you!