You need to get over your internalized ableism, share the diagnosis with the kid, and stop thinking that other SN kids will somehow harm your kid

Anonymous wrote:Your kid deserves to know the truth. Start there.

Different kids are ready at different ages. Our psychologist said ages 8-12.

Your kid deserves to know the truth. Start there.

This is very playgroup dependent. I think it’s fine to try it once or twice to see if the other kids are a good fit with yours. In a lot of ways it’s just like a regular playgroup—your kid might or might not like the other kids, maybe one kid hits and drives everyone away, or maybe your kid one person they really enjoy spending time with.

I think it’s worth trying out. My son sounds similar to yours and he definitely “clicks” best with kids who are similar to him - although he also has good NT friends. Sometimes those types of groups have kids who aren’t interested in socializing as much as your kid is, so it might not be a good fit.

Also know that it’s normal at 9 not to have “best friends.” Do your best to support the friendships that seem like the best matches - get to know the parents, extend lots of invitations. My son also has an xbox and switch so the kids want to come over - this a was deliberate strategy I did!

You can also ask the school to do lunch bunches. They can put together a group of boys who seem like they could form a friendship. Then you can ask the school to put you in touch with the parents to ask for playdates.

Please tell him his diagnosis -- as you say, he knows he is different and he deserves to know why. He might really like playing with people whose social difficulties are similar to his. And if he doesn't like it, you don't need to go back.

My 8 year old SN son (autism, ADHD, dyslexia) is in a similar boat. We’ve never done a SN play group, but he is also wanting a “best friend”. Not sure where you are, but if we’re in Arlington & would love to do a play date if you’d like - asavarese@gmail.com!

I have not told my kid about his diagnosis, but he probably guesses & knows that he is different. Since age 2, he has IEP, weekly OT/ST private therapies and some private evaluation appointments. He has autism, adhd, apraxia, hypotonia & etc. At age 9, he talks really well, and he is really smart. He has not gotten much trouble attending private daycare, public school mainstream, and attend regular summer camps. He swims, kick soccer, has playdates with other NT kids (even though sometimes he acts awkward), gets invited to birthday parties etc. He has some casual friends, but there are zero best friends. He has been trying his best to act his best everywhere because he is afraid that he gets in trouble. He is not medicated yet. I have been raising him no big different like my younger NT kid, and I never limit his exposure to new things or activities.

There is a playgroup with autism kids in the area, and they would want to do regular playdates in a group setting. I have no details other than that I know the playgroup exists and it is a new playgroup. He has not played with SN kid or attended SN playgroup before. Can someone tell me if this is good for his development to join in the long run? What should I or he expect? And, what should I tell him in advance if we plan to attend? I have to bring his younger NT sibling (mama's girl), should I tell her something in advance if we all plan to attend? It will be me only taking these 2 kids to attend. I have seen a few high functioning autism kids at therapy center, but I have never interacted with any of them directly except sometimes talking to their parents for random talks about school/kid.