Anonymous wrote:Ds7’s report card has a long narrative and number ratings across all sorts of things. I’m conflicted - I think on one hand sharing it with him would be both validating and motivating to improve, on other hand I’m not sure hearing things like “extremely talented in xyz” or “needs to work on not interrupting and respecting learning process of others” is great (versus me giving high level but not showing him actual numbers and reading exact words)

Seems to me your kid should absolutely hear that...

I show my kids their entire report card and always have. It's the teacher's way of communicating. Why wouldn't you want your kid hearing that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On a good day, I would do something like this:

"Larlo, your report card came. How was your semester? Any lows or highs to share?"
"I dunno."
"Ok... Is there anything you think is great, or anything you could work on improving?"
"I think I did great with math. Maybe I could work on being level 1 voice."
"Good self feedback. Mrs X mentioned you showed good math focus and you worked hard."
"Yeah I'm great at math! I like it!"
"I like that you worked hard and feel proud! I like that you thought about what you could improve too. Mrs. X did say you could work more on being on task sometimes. She said sometimes you could be a little goofy with friends during literacy circle."
"Yeah ok"
"What do you think could help you work on this? Is there anything that we could think about together...?"

etc.

If you’re this bureaucratic with your kid on a good day, how are you on a bad day?

You don’t wanna know

Anonymous wrote:On a good day, I would do something like this:

"Larlo, your report card came. How was your semester? Any lows or highs to share?"
"I dunno."
"Ok... Is there anything you think is great, or anything you could work on improving?"
"I think I did great with math. Maybe I could work on being level 1 voice."
"Good self feedback. Mrs X mentioned you showed good math focus and you worked hard."
"Yeah I'm great at math! I like it!"
"I like that you worked hard and feel proud! I like that you thought about what you could improve too. Mrs. X did say you could work more on being on task sometimes. She said sometimes you could be a little goofy with friends during literacy circle."
"Yeah ok"
"What do you think could help you work on this? Is there anything that we could think about together...?"

etc.

If you’re this bureaucratic with your kid on a good day, how are you on a bad day?

I'd start sharing by 3rd at the earliest, both the good and the "room for improvement" stuff. We plan to hold off until 4th or even 5th unless there is something glaring that comes up that we think the report card could be a tool in addressing. Starting in middle school we will expect DCs to take more responsibility for their grades and start becoming aware of how grades can start to impact them, so that by high school they will have more full accountability.

I personally think before that, there's no point. It doesn't have a lot of meaning to them, it has no long-term relevance (no one cares what anyone's 1st grade grades were) and it could make them anxious or fixated on grades in a way that isn't helpful. I might share a note from the teacher about strengths as a way to encourage and validate, and if there is something that needs immediate attention in terms of improving, I would address it without mentioning the report card at all. Like regarding no interrupting, just work with him on not interrupting (a normal and common thing for a 7 yr old to need to work on) without making it about grades or the report card. It's just a thing he has to work on, independent of any formal assessment. We all have stuff to work on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've never gotten any kind of feedback we felt the need to share with DD (same age), but if we had a behavior issue like that we would.

You don't share any grade/assessment info with DD at all? That's weird.

Why? She's seven. All she needs to know to do is give her best effort and behave herself. She does those things, so there's nothing to say.

I don't share the grades with mine because her reactions to situations and information is wildly unpredictable, even at 9. I'm burned out from dealing with her mood swings.

I hope people engage with this topic because I'd love to hear more perspectives.

We've never shared grades or teacher feedback on report grades with our now 3rd grader and 1st grader. I'm not even sure if our kids know report cards or standardized scores exist.

It wasn't a conscious decision to not share, but when we discussed it, we realized we have the same perspective. Our 3rd graders is in AAP and always receives max scores. We want to encourage the process of trying hard and learning for the sake of learning, rather than focusing on the final grade. We don't think it would benefit her much to know she gets all 4s (and a couple of scattered 3s) because we still don't think she works especially hard and I don't want to give her incentive to coast. She also has a bit of anxiety and we don't her worrying about grades and report cards. We do discuss specific assignments as they come in, but don't want to focus much on grades.

Our 1st grader is not as academically advanced but we think it's our responsibility (not his) to figure out how to supplement his learnings and discuss ways for improvement with teacher. We aren't convinced that discussion of grades would be a motivating factor, nor do we think he lacks motivation.

We’re at a private where there is extensive written feedback in addition to number grades and citizenship ratings. I only share the negative. My child is 9 and that’s all he’s ever gotten from me. I don’t need him bragging to friends.

I have 2 kids. I share reports with the one that is academically advanced, so that he knows what area which he needs to work on. So far, he does not need to work hard or study, and he just aces everything. I don't share reports with the one that does really poorly because I am worried that crush her confidences. She works hard, but she just does not get it. I just summarizes and shares with her a bit. She always says it is unfair, and I hate her crying.

On a good day, I would do something like this:

"Larlo, your report card came. How was your semester? Any lows or highs to share?"
"I dunno."
"Ok... Is there anything you think is great, or anything you could work on improving?"
"I think I did great with math. Maybe I could work on being level 1 voice."
"Good self feedback. Mrs X mentioned you showed good math focus and you worked hard."
"Yeah I'm great at math! I like it!"
"I like that you worked hard and feel proud! I like that you thought about what you could improve too. Mrs. X did say you could work more on being on task sometimes. She said sometimes you could be a little goofy with friends during literacy circle."
"Yeah ok"
"What do you think could help you work on this? Is there anything that we could think about together...?"

etc.

Anonymous wrote:I do, if I think the teacher is accurate. I think it is important that kids get regular feedback, both good and bad. You don’t want your kid to flip out because of some negative feedback later.

Agree with this. I don't think you need to read every single word of the report card, but I'd give a general summary and tell the kid what teacher said.

Anonymous wrote:We've never gotten any kind of feedback we felt the need to share with DD (same age), but if we had a behavior issue like that we would.

You don't share any grade/assessment info with DD at all? That's weird.

I do, if I think the teacher is accurate. I think it is important that kids get regular feedback, both good and bad. You don’t want your kid to flip out because of some negative feedback later.

We've never gotten any kind of feedback we felt the need to share with DD (same age), but if we had a behavior issue like that we would.

Ds7’s report card has a long narrative and number ratings across all sorts of things. I’m conflicted - I think on one hand sharing it with him would be both validating and motivating to improve, on other hand I’m not sure hearing things like “extremely talented in xyz” or “needs to work on not interrupting and respecting learning process of others” is great (versus me giving high level but not showing him actual numbers and reading exact words)