Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

An affair is a relationship outside of marriage. That is what you have. That is not monogamy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

I'm not very emotionally needy but my husband is a good listener and I know he really loves me. If I need to talk things out I take walks with a couple of GFs. If I did that with some guy it could head in a wrong direction and it's likely I was being played.

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

This sounds interesting. Do you talk about your marriage with him? And does this BF have a partner?

No judgment at all - just wondering what makes this relationship different than having a best friend. Is it flirty?

Yes, I talk about my marriage with BF, and yes, he has a partner as well. We are indeed best friends, but the relationship is not purely platonic.

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

This sounds interesting. Do you talk about your marriage with him? And does this BF have a partner?

No judgment at all - just wondering what makes this relationship different than having a best friend. Is it flirty?

Anonymous wrote:I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

Yes, the emotional needs I need met are specific to a romantic relationship and I’m hetero so that’s why it’s a BF not a GF. Thank you for sharing your example of modern monogamy!

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

Anonymous wrote:I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

Hawt.

I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

Hadn’t heard this term before another poster mentioned it in a recent thread, but realized after looking it up that I’m an example. In my case, I’ve been with DH for over two decades. My emotional needs in a romantic relationship have always been a bit more than DH would like to handle, and nearly 10 years ago, he agreed to let me have a primarily online BF who would take on some of that emotional caregiving.

It sounds crazy, I know, and if you think I’m trolling or proselytizing, feel free to ignore this thread. I’m just sick at home so not working today, bored as a result, and curious if any other DCUM-ers may wish to share their own examples of modern monogamy, fully recognizing that what works for one couple may not work for others?