Anonymous wrote:I have two teens and for most of the last 17 years, I’ve felt like I was either failing at my career or failing at parenting. I don’t know if the number of kids is as important as accepting the idea that you can only excel in one of these areas at any given time.

As I approach being an empty nester, I greatly regret not putting my career in the backseat.

OP here, thanks, definitely appreciate your insight.

In my government office, most female attorneys who have kids have two or at most three. The younger men have the same number because their wives work too. The older men whose wives stayed home have four or five. I can think of plenty of married female attorneys with no kids, of course, but very few with just one - most add a second.

It depends on what type of attorney and career you have, how much support you have, and how hands on you want to be as a mom.

When I was in Big Law - the women who made partner and had kids had help beyond daycare or a 40 hour a week nanny - they had multiple nannies, live in childcare, and/or family that were always available - as well as other household help.

There’s no way to bill 2100+ hours a year and not have that level of support. But the frustrating part is they often rarely share how much support they have - so when a new mom tries to do it without that level of help - things fall apart.

Most female partners at my biglaw firm have 2-3; having just one is not the norm. I don’t know how they manage it all - a few have husbands at home but most have lawyer husbands who also have full time jobs.

Have your husband be a stay at home parent, then you can have as many as you want.

I have two teens and for most of the last 17 years, I’ve felt like I was either failing at my career or failing at parenting. I don’t know if the number of kids is as important as accepting the idea that you can only excel in one of these areas at any given time.

As I approach being an empty nester, I greatly regret not putting my career in the backseat.

You should know this is dependent on too many factors to accurately respond to.

I’ve got 2.

Just being an attorney doesn't tell us anything about the demands of your work. There are lots of different jobs with different levels of pressure.

But really it doesn't matter: you should have the number you want and can comfortably handle while still working. I'm an attorney with an only child. Most of my peers with similar jobs have either none or two. But one was best for me.

These are unrelated concepts

Who are all these “people” pressuring you to have more kids and why do they factor into your thinking?

What kind of lawyer? How much do you make? I know lawyers with three or four kids but they basically outsource everything including childcare for most or all of the weekdays and extra hours on weekends.

BTW, you need to learn to tell people pressuring you to have more kids to butt out.

You are an attorney. You should be smart enough to know what you are capable of and not ask DCUM. Obviously, you are not.

A female Supreme Court justice has 7, so you should be good to go up to that at a minimum.

The number will vary for everybody. And the more kids you have, the more support you will need. Do you already have a nanny, cleaner, etc? I didn't want any of that so I kept it to one kid

Am female attorney with a toddler and people keep pressuring me to have more. However, most female attorneys have one or no kids. How many kids is it feasible for a female attorney to have without impacting marriage and legal career badly? (Assuming the father is hands-on, excellent dad, working a full-time job?) I know this is a weird question but there's nobody I can ask in my family since I'm the first attorney in the family TIA!!