Anonymous wrote:You might try showing her what you have set up for yourself so that if you pass away first, she knows what you want to happen. Sort of modeling the process. You can generically list stuff like bank accounts and your house and life insurance and who is listed as a beneficiary and where you want to be buried. Give it to her.

This is a great idea!

You might try showing her what you have set up for yourself so that if you pass away first, she knows what you want to happen. Sort of modeling the process. You can generically list stuff like bank accounts and your house and life insurance and who is listed as a beneficiary and where you want to be buried. Give it to her.

Has she listed you or sibling as a beneficiary on her accounts? My mom did and when she passed (she didn't own a home) I never had to go through probate. All the banks just sent me money after I sent the death certificate. Obviously it is more difficult if there are assets that aren't pensions and in bank accounts.

Ask your mother: If she has a medical event, who will pay the electric bill, etc?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how burdensome this will be for you and your sibling?

I don’t know where all her information is to know how to finalize any accounts that need to be finalize or settle any debts (she’s not forthcoming with her finances so I don’t know how she’s doing). My sibling is reluctant to talk about difficult issues.

I haven’t dealt with this before so I am just going off what I hear from my friends whose parents have died without a will.

PP, sorry I wasn’t clear. I meant explain to your mom how burdensome it will be to you and your sibling to have to cope with it all. I strongly disagree about just letting ot go to probate intestate. That’s a stress you don’t need. A trust may be beneficial,as are TOD and POD accounts. Talk to a trusts and estates attorney who specializes in elder law. They usually have checklists for smaller estates to help you gather all the documents and accounts you need to get started.

Everyone needs POAs and an estate plan.

Maybe you can ask her to put all her accounts and other info together on one piece of paper. She doesn’t need a will for that.

Estate attorney here.
You do not need to push your mom to do a will.

If there is no will, you and your siblings will inherit in equal shares. A will does not help you with figuring out her assets. None of the assets need to be (and most assets are not) specifically mentioned in a will.

As a PP said, the real issue is getting her to write a PoA so that you or another sibling can take care of her affairs during her incapacity.

OP, you might talk with her, casually, about how it was for her when her parents died. Was it difficult? Any difficult decisions? Anything hard to decide between the siblings. Eventually you can steer the conversation around to what she'd like to happen differently, for her own children.

I actually don't think I would worry too much about the will. You would go through probate and the courts would decide how to divide things up. Probably 50/50. And it depends on the types of assets. If she has retirement accounts, they probably have named beneficiaries, which don't need to go through probate.

The bigger concern is if she becomes incompetent. Someone should have Power of Attorney to make decisions and pay bills if she is unable to. My dad had a sudden unset of dementia and I had to step in to make medical and financial decisions. Luckily he had all of the paperwork done and I was easily able to do those things.

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how burdensome this will be for you and your sibling?

I don’t know where all her information is to know how to finalize any accounts that need to be finalize or settle any debts (she’s not forthcoming with her finances so I don’t know how she’s doing). My sibling is reluctant to talk about difficult issues.

I haven’t dealt with this before so I am just going off what I hear from my friends whose parents have died without a will.

Can you explain how burdensome this will be for you and your sibling?

She’s single and 73 years old. There are two siblings. She says she doesn’t want to write a will.

Help!