Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 12:54     Subject: DH talking AT YOU?
What's the difference when a wife is upset and just needs to vent? But, if the husband gives feedback she hates it. All she wants to do is talk and for him to listen.

What is the difference in this thread? It's just a change in position.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 11:04     Subject: DH talking AT YOU?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, all the time. I refer to it as a TED talk most of the time. For him, it is hyperfocus of interests plus inability to immediately recognize when someone else isn't interested that are a feature of his ADHD. He has learned to recognize when I am not interested or are busy, and I have learned to speak up and tell him if I don't have the capacity to attend a TED talk. He usually doesn't take it personally.

I don't think that all conversations with my partner need to be a conversational tennis game. Sometimes one of us is just talking to the other one, explaining or describing a thing, while the other one is listening.


Agree, I'm not saying that there is not a space for listening or conversational tennis. I guess the worst part is when we are at the dinner table. When he happens to do this there, it's a weird dynamic because it feels like he is just dominating and we all have to listen or act interested.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 11:00     Subject: DH talking AT YOU?
Yes, all the time. I refer to it as a TED talk most of the time. For him, it is hyperfocus of interests plus inability to immediately recognize when someone else isn't interested that are a feature of his ADHD. He has learned to recognize when I am not interested or are busy, and I have learned to speak up and tell him if I don't have the capacity to attend a TED talk. He usually doesn't take it personally.

I don't think that all conversations with my partner need to be a conversational tennis game. Sometimes one of us is just talking to the other one, explaining or describing a thing, while the other one is listening.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 09:49     Subject: DH talking AT YOU?
Acutely, I'd ignore. Chronically, I'd just point it out in a time when he's not in that mode.

I'd also ask myself whether I do it too. A lot of people are prone to this when they vent.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2024 09:46     Subject: DH talking AT YOU?
Does yours do this?

Talking "AT YOU": Going on and on loudly and confidently about something they are only interested in with no care or clue of your reaction/response. Not a back and forth conversation.

Any advice?