Op - I do think the accent thing is mirror neurons or something empathy based. I did speak to him but it has not stopped. But like - a white dude should not be speaking to a latino immigrant with a kind of hybrid Mexican accent! Urgh.

Anonymous wrote:DH is an immigrant and still doesn’t know where or what Massachusetts is. I just find it galling that someone could live in a country for 15+ years and be so uninterested in where they live that they don’t have a grasp of major regions. Yes, I showed him a map. Yes I told him that’s where Harvard is. It bothers me that Massachusetts has come up several times in conversation with outside people and he is still so, so confused. He gets this panicked blank look that only I understand. He is similarly disinterested in a lot of things about America including basics about politics and it still bugs me. But otherwise he is a good husband and pretty intelligent.

😂😂

Spouse sometimes has a persona in social situations that makes me want to run screaming from the room. Not sure I cam describe it better but I noticed it recently and it’s killing me.

Obese
Boring
No common sense
Doesn’t read the news or books, just work stuff
No hobbies, sports or interests (unless you count iPhones)

ExDH used to spit on the ground, be overly involved in girl gossip, and wore too small t-shirts in public regularly. He was also really insecure about not having the same educational background as my family and friends and would constantly defensively harp on it in front of them.

DH is an immigrant and still doesn’t know where or what Massachusetts is. I just find it galling that someone could live in a country for 15+ years and be so uninterested in where they live that they don’t have a grasp of major regions. Yes, I showed him a map. Yes I told him that’s where Harvard is. It bothers me that Massachusetts has come up several times in conversation with outside people and he is still so, so confused. He gets this panicked blank look that only I understand. He is similarly disinterested in a lot of things about America including basics about politics and it still bugs me. But otherwise he is a good husband and pretty intelligent.

It’s “his obliviousness.” That would embarrass me.

Anonymous wrote:My husband has really smelly farts all the time. Drives me crazy and awkward with guests. Tried to tell him to get it checked out, but he refuses.

Slip him some probiotics.

My husband has really smelly farts all the time. Drives me crazy and awkward with guests. Tried to tell him to get it checked out, but he refuses.

My husband's chewing is so loud I can't stand to eat at the same table with him any more. I have a very long list. He went to the bathroom at 430. He's currently snoring but I'm still up.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t feel bad, it’s just human nature. We are all embarrassed about aspects of ourselves, it makes sense that we are embarrassed about aspects of a person we are intimately linked with.

For the topping off drinks thing, just make that your job when you host - or even easier, have a bar cart & serve everyone their first drink, & then tell them where they can refresh.

The tattoo & accent thing, let go. No one cares as much as you do.

Good advice.

If these are your complaints, I would keep quiet and remind myself that I am vey lucky.

Don’t feel bad, it’s just human nature. We are all embarrassed about aspects of ourselves, it makes sense that we are embarrassed about aspects of a person we are intimately linked with.

For the topping off drinks thing, just make that your job when you host - or even easier, have a bar cart & serve everyone their first drink, & then tell them where they can refresh.

The tattoo & accent thing, let go. No one cares as much as you do.

If the bad tattoo is really bad, maybe you can convince him to get it lasered off?

Subconsciously copying people's accents is probably not controllable. Probably means he's empathetic (mirror neurons) or has the mental characteristics to be good with languages. Gently make him aware but do not harass about things.

No sympathy for you on the drink top-up issue. He's a friend, not a bartender. Guests/grownups can politely request what they need.

Every time there is something about my spouse that embarasses me I feel like a bad person. There are not so many things but number one would be his tattoo which I thought was edgy and cool in late 20s but in 40s it has not aged well at all. Number two is his proclivity for imitating people’s accents subconsciously when speaking to them - I think in an effort to relate? And number 3 is his oblivion to when people need a drink top up.

I feel so so so so bad that I find these things embarrassing. Is it normal to have things about your spouse that embarrass you or a sign there is something v wrong? I don’t think there is anything I can do about them except point out the drink thing.