Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

If partially-demented, elderly parents don't want to go to assisted living, fine, but then they need to understand that they don't get to expect free help from their family.

Wow, you have no experience with thus. People with dementia don't understand the bolded. They are actually incapable of it.

I understand it far too well. Keep in mind dementia is a spectrum, and does not necessarily manifest consistently each day.

A lot of assisted living places have free lunches with tours so I told my mom let’s just go ti get the free lunch. The ones that dhdnt I called and prepaid for the lunch then told the person giving the tour to go along with the lunch was free. It was enough fir my mom to go look at places. The unknown is scary.

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal? At the end of my rope here.

Obviously we don’t have details but can you say “well, frankly at this point you ARE a burden so let’s discuss other options”. It’s harsh but do they possibly not realize the stress on you right now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

If partially-demented, elderly parents don't want to go to assisted living, fine, but then they need to understand that they don't get to expect free help from their family.

Wow, you have no experience with thus. People with dementia don't understand the bolded. They are actually incapable of it.

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

No, clearly there is a major problem with denial among seniors. Many are unwilling to acknowledge their cognitive and physical limitations.

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

If partially-demented, elderly parents don't want to go to assisted living, fine, but then they need to understand that they don't get to expect free help from their family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

Right? Hundreds of infantilizing millennials so self-centered they think it's their job to parent 72-year-olds. At the end of your rope? Then just let go, seriously.

Not OP, but mother can’t get in and out of her house without tremendous effort, and is at great risk of a very bad fall every time. Increasingly not going out at all. Can’t get to her bedroom and has stopped trying. Seems to not be paying bills. Seems to not be bathing regularly. Has twice fallen and lay there crying for help until someone just happened to hear. And yet she insists it isn’t time yet to even discuss next steps, which makes it impossible to begin the process of even getting on waitlists.

You can call me infantilizing, but the only alternative I see is to sit back watching a very sad and very dangerous decline. Which some days is where I’m at! “I love you, but I cannot help you without your participation.” On the other hand, neglect is a form of abuse.

If you have the answer, I’m all ears. Because I definitely don’t.

Anonymous wrote:Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

Right? Hundreds of infantilizing millennials so self-centered they think it's their job to parent 72-year-olds. At the end of your rope? Then just let go, seriously.

Slow down. Adult agist children in this forum want to send healthy 72 yrs olds to assisted living.

Way more details needed OP.

Do you know where they would move? With our parents, the four siblings and I had to know. First step is WE had to know what would work Two who were local, went and looked. Narrowed the choices down to two. Then, took Mom to choose and all siblings were anonymous - this is happening. Based on Mom's choice, it was happening - this date or that date. That's the move-in date. Move them in, clear out the house and sell it later.

Left Dad out of any decision since he had dementia. For him, we made sure the new apt was fully set-up with the biggest tv you've ever seen, turned to his favorite sports channel, and a comfy chair. This is what he was seeing when he walked in the first time. He was happy. It took a few days for him to realize he now lived in the place with the big tv.

Parents were nearing 90. We may have tricked Mom initially saying, "try it for the Winter." They were use to being snowbirds and changing homes during Winter months. But we definitely ALL applied pressure, a lot of pressure -- it was happening. And we were all putting up with their/her being unhappy with us. Mean too. You know what? Within 3 months, you would have thought is was their idea. A great idea. They were bragging to everyone who would listen about how responsible they had been and what a great idea it was

Also, I agree with the PP. If they are requiring a lot of your help and won't pay for help, then set boundaries.

Do they need help? Are you doing a lot for them? How old are they?

From what little you posted, there is no way to tell if they actually need it, or if you just want it.

It’s awful. I have no advice, bc nothing I’ve tried has worked. It’s so frustrating, and then it becomes infuriating.

I will definitely read what others say, though. In the meantime I just wanted to say that I see you, and you are not alone.

Do they have the finances and need for a home heath aide?

Otherwise, let them handle what they can until that time comes.

It can be difficult but boundaries are key here.

How do you deal? At the end of my rope here.