I think this is a fair question. I went to a far school where people tended to settle in NYC and I was here in DC. For the first ten years after I saw people but then gravitated to work friends and hs friends. In retrospect maybe I should have considered this more. I am envious of the close relationships that my friends from UVA/Tech and WM have.

It’s less about a specific school and more about finding your people. I found my people at a small private university in Florida. One person is my BFF, but still have many other friends I interact with periodically.
DH also found his people at a different small private very conservative university in Florida. He was grunge, before there was grunge. And even though like 85% of the people were in fraternities and sororities, he found his group of misfit toys. They aren’t super close now (many decades later), but they periodically catch up.

Look for a college where a large percentage of the students live on campus and one that's not in the middle of a city (too distracting).

I think every college, as long as you are not a commuter student? Living together and being students in the same campus is deeply bonding.

Bates

DS has found an amazing community of close friends at Davidson. We, too, have become close with some of the parents. The environment at Davidson is welcoming and collaborative — this, in turn, really encourages wonderful relationships among the students and the faculty.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that wanting your kid to find "his people" at college is a great idea! The trouble is that as a pp said, this depends entirely on the fit between your kid and the others at his school. The sporty fraternity brother might find it at one school that might or might not be a fit for your kid!

+1 I find lifelong friends in college (and grade school for that matter) but it was because we were all the same kind of weirdo. Let your kid do college visits when classes are in session so they can decide if the student culture is a good fit for them.

I wonder if this happens a little less at schools where most kids are from someplace nearby and head home a lot on weekends.

I don’t know if this is something you can plan for at the school level. It’s going to depend on more personal factors. For instance, getting into a special interest dorm, being part of a small cohort (honors college, intensive studies track, first year seminar, competitive major), etc.

I agree that wanting your kid to find "his people" at college is a great idea! The trouble is that as a pp said, this depends entirely on the fit between your kid and the others at his school. The sporty fraternity brother might find it at one school that might or might not be a fit for your kid!

Most people can make lifelong friends at any college.

Any college will offer this if your DC ours themselves out there to meet people.

I think its a reasonable thing to think about - though it probably depends on the kid.

For college, I picked a school in DC because I wanted to be in politics and wanted to leave my rural upbringing. I found a group of lifelong friends at college because I found friends who also wanted to live in DC and had similar interests.

I have two college kids and therefore a ton of friends with kids in college - and most of the kids I know are happy and found friends in their respective schools - because they picked well.

So find out what your kid likes --- city, smaller community, etc and check that out.

Huh?

We are older parents of an only child. We know there are so many places he can get a superb education. Our hope is that he finds one that fosters amazing relationships and serves as a source of friendship and personal growth.

I know this is not the primary reason one seeks higher education. But there is nothing wrong with wanting meaningful social connection, in addition to an academic foundation. We know as parents that we won’t be here forever. We have lived overseas, but will returning home (retirement) for his college years. He’s going to need to find his people.

Please name the school/s that you know create an environment where young people thrive and engage with other. Let’s keep this really positive and highlight places where people come first.

Thank you!!