I would feel a level of concern if my dss were in a relationship with a woman who had major mental health issues as a teen.

One DC ended up with a personality disorder diagnosis (when they are younger they won’t get that label, but a pre cursor diagnosis like ODD). We did all the things- every kind of therapy, inpatient, outpatient, individual, family. Worked with schools. It was a full time job and the result was terrible. DC is extremely charming and good looking. I pray for their future partner(s) every day and hope they never have children. It is heartbreaking.

Many people overcome all kinds of challenging circumstances, but some things cannot be overcome. I think everyone should lay groundwork to spend a long time getting to know someone before making a commitment. Teach them to recognize love bombing. Teach them to recognize early signs of control and abuse. Teach them that they are worthy of respect.

Anonymous wrote:There are a million threads on the relationship board about people with spouses with ASD or ADHD or whatever...and most are not positive.

You should check those out and decide how you feel.

This.

And my DC could fit OP's description.

There are a million threads on the relationship board about people with spouses with ASD or ADHD or whatever...and most are not positive.

You should check those out and decide how you feel.

I think you could describe anyone in such a way that they would sound undatable. But you have to look at the whole picture. Many things can be overcome or tolerated if there are other compensating qualities.

Maybe the parents were the problem and getting away helped.

My son is high-functioning autistic with inattentive ADHD.
He is intelligent and kind, but is socially clueless, has no sense of time, and keeps forgetting things. He's the absent-minded professor type.

I have often thought that if he has a successful marriage, his spouse will have to be a saint!

But then I've been married to his father for 20 years, and he's on the spectrum with ADHD as well... so, it's possible.

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you upwards of 80?

Would that be a crime?

Who says morning musings?

OP, are you upwards of 80?

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the lack of empathy in the original post is astounding. Do you have any idea what the parents of these kids you denigrate went through every day - both when their children were little and to this very day? Clearly no. Awful post.

Op here. Yes, I acknowledge this. This is why it’s a DCUM post. My own DH had bad anger issues as a child. A friend of his told me when we were dating. I said I hadn’t seen it. Came out later when we had kids.

Wow, the lack of empathy in the original post is astounding. Do you have any idea what the parents of these kids you denigrate went through every day - both when their children were little and to this very day? Clearly no. Awful post.

Some kids who had no issues at all growing up turn out to be crappy or abusive spouses. I am not sure that childhood behavior is something I’d think about.

Mine was challenging, not to the point of an oppositional disorder, but did lie to me a fair amount and was a difficult teen from 16-19. He's grown out of it, gets along with us very well and is ready for a longterm girlfriend.

Why are you judging him by actions that have long passed? Give him the grace for his transition to adulthood. All of us have done things in our past that we'd rather not have dredged up by someone with a long memory. Let that go

If your AC was a very challenging kid, have they matured to the point where you think they would make a good romantic partner and parent? Or do you think the issues will always somewhat be there and come out?

We spent time recently with long-time friends whose DS had a lot of anger issues, lying, verbal lashing out, etc. as a child. I’m glad that they seem to be thriving now in college, but I can’t help but think to myself that I wouldn’t want my DD to date someone who has that in the past. Yet one might think the person was fine/ok upon initially getting to know them.

We also have a friend whose son may be undiagnosed ASD and had no friends growing up. Social skills seem to have improved a bit since being in college. Of course, there are exceptions to every generalization, but would you want your DD to date this person?

All theoretical, just morning musings.