My sister left her first husband partially because his mother was so intrusive and they all lived in his hometown near one another. As a pp mentioned, distance matters.

I am fine with my in-laws, but we live states apart, same with my parents. I think that’s best for me because I can easily feel smothered and DH is very close to his parents. If we lived closer we’d be together all the time instead of the 5-6 times a year we currently see them, and that would be too much for me.

If you are smart enough to dig into the inlaw situation well before you decide yes or no to marriage and after really scoping it out realistically you find that they are too intrusive, too difficult, too annoying or whatever then at that point I think you should probably move on from him because those inlaws could be a big part of your life for a long time.

I think it is important. It definitely make life easier. My in-laws are nice. I like them. They are respectful. They also mind their own business and keep their comments to themselves.

It's important that his family is nice enough to you, treats you respectfully. It's also about the guy - is he strong enough to set boundaries or total Mama's boy (MIL can do no wrong in his eyes). I ended a multi year relationship for this reason - MIL was crazy intrusive and he thought her behavior was absolutely fine.

I live further from his family but hate my MIL . I think if I could go back I wouldn’t have married him , his family being a big factor in this

It is a matter of degree…

Depends how much you like (or dislike) them, how much (or little) time you will spending with them, and how close the DH is to them.

It’s one thing not to like your ILs if you live far away and DH isn’t super close with them. It would be quite another to live in the same small city, and DH is super close with them and wants to see them multiple times/wk.

It’s easy to suck it up for 1-2 weeks a year, not so easy to suck it up 1-2 times a week. IMO.

Discuss not vacationing with them. Make it very clear

Anonymous wrote:My mother is difficult. His mother and siblings are lovely. I thought I'd have less nasty drama in his family than in mine, which over 20 years has turned out to be true. He was kind enough to overlook the fact he'd have a crazy MIL.

Haha, I could have written this post. My DH has tolerated my parents in a way I never knew possible. My ILs have been so good to me.

No. We live far from them and rarely see them.

Yes, it's important.

Anonymous wrote:Depends how much they will be in your life. I did not care. I am divorced. Never should have married

+1 Although it would have been nice if they liked me, I don't need them to. What I need is for DH to have my back.

Depends how much they will be in your life. I did not care. I am divorced. Never should have married

My mother is difficult. His mother and siblings are lovely. I thought I'd have less nasty drama in his family than in mine, which over 20 years has turned out to be true. He was kind enough to overlook the fact he'd have a crazy MIL.

You should at least be able to tolerate them, yes

This^?