Anonymous wrote:I think the window for “grandparent help” is small these days…they have to be old enough not to be working FT yet young enough to be capable kwim?

In our case, my parents were still young enough to be working FT when my kids were small- and DH’s were quite elderly already and not up to helping care for small kids.

Both sets of our parents had a lot of help- but the grandmothers did not work, and were younger.

New poster.
Many seniors now have literally decades where they have retired from work, but still healthy and active enough for travel and athletic hobbies (running, tennis, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was young and not working when we had our twins but her help had strings attached. Basically if she helped us the our twins, then we owed her to ‘take care of her’ when she got old and was no longer independent!

Yeah, that’s kind of how it’s supposed to work. My dad jokes with my kids “I changed your diapers, and someday you can help change my diapers”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

I have been very confused for a while by this notion that millennial kids are owed a support for life, and the only reason for their parents’ existence is to provide that support. Why did you have kids if you can’t manage being a parent?

Exactly, are these millennials going to be jumping in to help their own kids when they have children?

My MIL was young and not working when we had our twins but her help had strings attached. Basically if she helped us the our twins, then we owed her to ‘take care of her’ when she got old and was no longer independent!

Anonymous wrote:I chose to move to Fairfax County near my parents and it’s my #1 parenting hack.

This. I feel badly for those who want to live near family but can’t do so for work or financial reasons. But obviously if one chooses to move away- how much help from grandparents can you be expecting, really?

We live across the country from both of our families, and knew upfront that of course there would not be any regular grandparent help when our kids were small. They will babysit for an evening when we are “home” visiting but that is about it. It is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

I have been very confused for a while by this notion that millennial kids are owed a support for life, and the only reason for their parents’ existence is to provide that support. Why did you have kids if you can’t manage being a parent?

I chose to move to Fairfax County near my parents and it’s my #1 parenting hack.

Selfish boomers hurting their kids financially and mentally

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

How old were your parents when you had kids?

65.

Anonymous wrote:I think the window for “grandparent help” is small these days…they have to be old enough not to be working FT yet young enough to be capable kwim?

In our case, my parents were still young enough to be working FT when my kids were small- and DH’s were quite elderly already and not up to helping care for small kids.

Both sets of our parents had a lot of help- but the grandmothers did not work, and were younger.

THIS. People are working well past 60 now, so if you have kids in your 20s your parents are still working full time. If you delay kids until your 30s, your parents are likely past the point of having excess energy to help.

Add to that how common it is to move away from your hometown for jobs, and I'm not sure how it's supposed to work.

I think the window for “grandparent help” is small these days…they have to be old enough not to be working FT yet young enough to be capable kwim?

In our case, my parents were still young enough to be working FT when my kids were small- and DH’s were quite elderly already and not up to helping care for small kids.

Both sets of our parents had a lot of help- but the grandmothers did not work, and were younger.

Anonymous wrote:i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

How old were your parents when you had kids?

i have been confused for a while by this notion that boomer parents have of like - your kids, we have zero responsibility to help.

Like - ok you CAN take that pov, but then why did you have kids if you only wanted to help them for 18 years?

Yes, it is helpful. I wonder if things will trend in a more multi generational way. My guess is not because I think we’ll hit baby busy first. Many older adults in America are working.

My mom can be a real pain but it does help.

not at all shocking

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/16/health/grandparents-mother-depression-study-wellness/index.html