You are definitely going to have to manage an au pair's "feelings".

You obviously don't have direct reports at work! A good boss always is sensitive to the ego and feelings of their employees. If you cannot do this, put the kids in childcare and hire a weekly cleaning service.

Our nanny did the basics with the kids - care, food, homework, THEIR laundry (not ours). Our maid (not housekeeper) does our laundry, bed/kitchen/bath linens, floors, dusting, and deeper cleaning. Our kids are older now, so we don't have a nanny anymore (she moved, we would have kept her otherwise).

A housekeeper would do lighter cleaning, not deep cleaning, and more organizational tasks, like grocery shopping, or other errands. We didn't/don't have a housekeeper.

These are very clear distinct job descriptions. Very occasionally we asked our nanny to pick up groceries that we pre-ordered online, but we never asked her to shop for us.

I didn’t think au pairs were supposed to be full-time housekeepers.

While I think you can have childcare and housecleaning combo. Childcare will always be the bulk of the Work housecleaning being on the back burner. Childcare is all encompassing and time-consuming. If the house cleaning component is especially important to you, then those should be two different jobs because you can’t do a stellar job at housecleaning when you have your eye on kids or trying to entertain kids.

The person I know who has an awesome house cleaner / house manager found a person who prefers and mainly does elder care. She has 3-4 clients at a time and spends 2-3 hours per, house per day. She wipes counters, cleans bathrooms, sweeps and damp mops floors, receives deliveries, packages returns and drops them at the post office, puts away grocery deliveries, picks up dray cleaning and puts it away, pops a load of laundry in or folds what’s in the dryer. What she does NOT do is anything related to the kids.

Get a nanny/aupair for the kids. And weekly/biweekly cleaners. Do your own doshes.

A nanny/housecleaner doesn’t exist. I wouldn’t have our cleaners watch my kids and I wouldn’t have our nanny make our beds.

Are you expecting her to clean while your kids are home? Or are your kids in school and you want a housekeeper with the perks of watching your kids for a couple hours in the afternoon?

You’re trying to milk what should be 2 employees out of 1 person which is why this arrangement is not working. Going through the au pair program isn’t going to work either — you’re trying to cheap out that isn’t allowed under the au pair arrangement. You’ll be providing them food and shelter and transportation as well, which I don’t think you’d like if you can’t afford to pay for 2 separate services.

Yep, you need a nanny and a housecleaner. I'm guessing this nanny said she would do housecleaning to get the job, then pushes back.

What you're describing is similar to the role of a "domestic helpers" in Hong Kong or Singapore but it doesn't exist here (and arguably shouldn't exist there). It's total drudgery and no one wants to do it. If you're very lucky, some nannies are happy to pitch in with cleaning up after meals and maybe kids laundry but they're not cleaning the full house, nor should they if they're trying to do a good job caring for small children.

Do you really need daily cleaning? Have someone come 2-3 times a week and then hire a separate nanny who is focused on caring for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:It seems concerning that you can't manage/get along with a nanny (and seem to be expecting them to clean beyond what is reasonable?), yet want to bring an au pair into the home. Seems like a bad idea.

+1. Au pairs are frequently young and inexperienced. They are supposed to be treated like part of your family, not an employee. This very likely will end up way worse than the nanny/housecleaner you can't get along with.

These are different skill sets. You want someone who knows how to clean well to focus on cleaning your house. You want someone who is good with kids to focus on your kids. Rarely do you get someone good at both.

Anonymous wrote:Our full-time nanny/house cleaner is disappointing so far. In less than 2 months, she
already left early twice - it seems because she didn't like being corrected. I also feel that I have to manage her ego/feelings.

We are considering getting an au pair instead - here's the question - can we pay an au pair extra (significantly extra) to also do daily cleaning of a full house?

I think you need to reevaluate what you think a nanny and housekeeper are and stop trying to put them as one.

It seems concerning that you can't manage/get along with a nanny (and seem to be expecting them to clean beyond what is reasonable?), yet want to bring an au pair into the home. Seems like a bad idea.

How old are your kids? Nanny and housecleaners are really a different job. Most quality nanny's are not going to want to do heavy cleaning.

No. An au pair can only perform duties related to the kids and you are not allowed to pay them extra for other chores.

Our full-time nanny/house cleaner is disappointing so far. In less than 2 months, she
already left early twice - it seems because she didn't like being corrected. I also feel that I have to manage her ego/feelings.

We are considering getting an au pair instead - here's the question - can we pay an au pair extra (significantly extra) to also do daily cleaning of a full house?