Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do we assume everyone wants marriage or somehow that’s better? Maybe the best is already here! Why not assume people are happy as they are? I mean stay open to all possibilities but don't think like there is a box to be checked.

The people who know better are not on this board.

Actually, some of us are.

But I will say that between socialization and biological reproductive drive, I spent many years trying to find the things that would make me 'complete' - even though that still small voice inside kept rejecting the opportunities that came my way, so clearly some part of me didn't actually feel those things would better my life or make me feel fulfilled.

I finally resolved the inner conflict in midlife, after a number of relationships that failed to inspire and made me realize that I wasn't likely to find the kind of partner I wanted, and I had seen enough of what my family and friends were experiencing in marriage to recognize how much disappointment predominated.

Getting to menopause has been hugely liberating. Something shuts off in your head after that reproductive drive is gone, and there is so much more room to accept that it's okay to be happy on your own if that's actually what makes you happy. Now I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life at peace with being enough - well, as long as there is a dog involved.

I want marriage and kids. I sacrificed many things to have both. I do not regret my choices.

But then I knew early in life that you cannot have it all, all at the same time. The best you can hope for is having it sequentially, and even that’s a resounding success.

Anonymous wrote:Why do we assume everyone wants marriage or somehow that’s better? Maybe the best is already here! Why not assume people are happy as they are? I mean stay open to all possibilities but don't think like there is a box to be checked.

The people who know better are not on this board.

I'm married and glad I am but I seriously can never stop hearing "you are enough." It's such a hard but incredibly important lesson to learn.

I have found that I really had to internalize this with regards to friendships, more than romantic relationships. I used to have a lot of friendships with people who clearly did NOT think I was enough, and were always trying to fix me or alter me in order to make me more the kind of person they wanted to be friends with. When I finally started telling myself "no, I'm enough as I am," I lost some friends but my relationship with myself vastly improved. The trade off was very worth it.

You ARE enough.

Lol, ok.

I am kenough

You are enough is right. You don’t need to fulfill others’ expectations. Are YOU happy? That is enough.

Why do we assume everyone wants marriage or somehow that’s better? Maybe the best is already here! Why not assume people are happy as they are? I mean stay open to all possibilities but don't think like there is a box to be checked.