Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay to be sad to lose someone you love. Go be with her now while she's conscious

How long do I have? It is a 12 hour drive.

Leave now

By the time you get there, you might only have one day left where she’ll be conscious and coherent and able to talk with you lucidly. After a couple days, she will likely be sleeping more and possibly incoherent as she declines. It will go rapidly. 3-5 days, maximum.


Get moving.

I’m sorry, OP, I’m sure this is very hard. I think you’re doing the right thing by respecting her wishes.

I'm so sorry, OP. It's hard not to have some closure, but your aunt's wishes are paramount.
I hope she doesn't suffer too much - is hospice involved? Does she have pain meds? Is the caretaker knowledgeable about all these things?

I am so sorry, OP.

Sending you hugs

Thank you all for your replies. I texted with her caretaker and she said that my Aunt does not wish to be seen, so I will respect her wishes.

I am so sad.

Thank you all for your input on this.

The issue with ending dialysis and the end of kidney disease is that the body cannot flush the fluid out of the body and it builds around the heart. So your heart drowns. She likely will have troubling breath, and then goes into cardiac arrest. It can happen quickly. If you are on the fence, just go, and go now.

For my father, his last dialysis was on a Friday, he died the next Tuesday afternoon.

I'm sorry.

Saying you don't want others to see you like this could also mean you don't want to see anybody in your current condition. Why wouldn't you respect her wishes on that? It sounds to me like she wanted to reach out to you because she values the relationship and wants to say goodbye but I think I would feel very conflicted about going to see someone who had expressed what she has.

I’m sorry, OP. Wishing you and your Aunt peace

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's okay to be sad to lose someone you love. Go be with her now while she's conscious

How long do I have? It is a 12 hour drive.

If you truly want to see her, leave today. But please do a little research into what she may be like. If you're worried about it being triggering, I think you need to go in with a fairly good idea of how she may be. And if possible, take someone with you for support

Depending on the severity of her kidney disease, could be less than a week. As the toxins build up she will get increasingly confused. If her speech is already slurred I would imagine she has very limited time.

Anonymous wrote:It's okay to be sad to lose someone you love. Go be with her now while she's conscious

How long do I have? It is a 12 hour drive.

It's okay to be sad to lose someone you love. Go be with her now while she's conscious

My aunt, who is like a mother to me after my mom passed when I was young, just called me with slurred speech saying she took herself off [something I couldn’t understand] and hopes to go to Heaven soon.

She has diabetes, is blind, has neuropathy, and has been in end of life kidney failure for at least two months.

If she took herself off dialysis, how long does she have?

She said she doesn’t want me to see her like this and I understand it could be triggering, reminding me of my mom, but I long to see her and hold her!