Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with worrying less about your kid all day? I don’t mean this to sound snarky.
But I can’t tell if you are unable to function in other areas or if this is just some healthy compartmentalization. It is ok not to be anxious about your kid all day long — it really is. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to realize that all this worrying isn’t going to change a thing.

Not the OP but I don't really "worry" anymore. It's all such sh!t. The only end in sight is when I become too sick/disabled to care for this child anymore and die.

What is wrong with worrying less about your kid all day? I don’t mean this to sound snarky.
But I can’t tell if you are unable to function in other areas or if this is just some healthy compartmentalization. It is ok not to be anxious about your kid all day long — it really is. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to realize that all this worrying isn’t going to change a thing.

I'm in the same place. I don't care anymore. I want to care, but I don't have the energy. Therapy, trying different meds, exercising, healthy diet, outsourcing life admin, finding childcare, etc. - none of that helps. I'm just completely burned out.

Its hard, OP. You need to come up for air and take care of you. It’s as important and as necessary as anything you do for your child.

My work has been my therapy. It's been extremely rewarding during the hardest years of my son's challenges.

I have had periods of this, and it comes back in brief flashes sometimes.

I work during the school day and it’s helpful to have to focus on other things. While they are at school there is not much you can do, and for anxious brains like mine, that’s stressful.

Have you been to therapy? I have several times and it helps some. There is a certain amount of acceptance that I think you have to find to be able to be a human yourself. Your child will have bad days. NT children also have bad days, although they look different; I have one of each so I know. I try really hard to accept that I’ve done my best every day, that I will get up and keep doing everything I can do but that both my kids learn through the negative experiences. I read a book called the scaffolding effect for parents of kids with ADHD and he encouraged the practice of at night or any time your kid is calm/relaxed consciously telling your brain “right now, for these 5 minutes my child is ok.” It took practice for me to recognize there were times my kid was ok and I could turn my brain away from them.

Please take good care of yourself.

I am the same. It is so so hard.

OP here. Thank you for all the kind and gentle responses...

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to focus on other things to replace the worry, or is it just blank and you can't focus on other things? It definitely sounds like burnout. Maybe anxiety getting to such a high level that you are shutting down.

I feel you - it is so hard, and I worry a lot also. I agree with the PPs who said exercise, sleep, and therapy. Take care.

PP again. Also social. Do you have some social engagements you enjoy? Can you find something you are passionate about? It can help to have something outside of your kid. You can't control their behavior and outcomes, even though you can try to help them. Having something for you can be helpful.

Are you able to focus on other things to replace the worry, or is it just blank and you can't focus on other things? It definitely sounds like burnout. Maybe anxiety getting to such a high level that you are shutting down.

I feel you - it is so hard, and I worry a lot also. I agree with the PPs who said exercise, sleep, and therapy. Take care.

Therapy, as trite as it is putting your oxygen mask on before helping others is essential in special needs parenting I find.

Try exercising more. Its been the only thing that really lets my brain escape the worry. Also reading good fiction and just letting yourself get lost in another world. It keeps you engaged, so not the fog you speak of, but also keeps your anxiety at bay.

This may sound a little woo woo for some, but I have found getting myofascial release therapy (for myself) to be very helpful for getting my body and mind out of total burnout mode from parenting my special needs child. Something about the somatic therapy was really effective in giving my body the chance to release the trauma that comes from parenting in this context. Plus it was very relaxing.

I did a lot of the other things that people say to do---eat healthy, exercise, see a therapist, try and get sleep, all of which are good and helpful. But there was something about the way that the body stores trauma and memory that made this really helpful for me.

I am in the same boat and I don’t know how we get out of this place you aren’t alone.

Currently experiencing a very intense season of trying to support DC and now experiencing what I can only describe as complete and total mental fatigue. DC struggles with severe (combined) ADHD and, in the past, I would worry/wonder/hope for the best re: their classroom behavior while they were at school. (I know that that habit is not very helpful/healthy long term...)

Now, I'm finding myself in a place where I'm just too tired to even worry/wonder/hope while they are at school. My mind goes blank and prevents me from going there during the day.

This is probably a form of mental fatigue where my brain is just too tired to worry/wonder/hope anymore... Wonder if others have experienced the same...and hoping responses can be kind and gentle...