Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. DH and I both have things that I know would be red flags for some people but they just work for us. It is nothing major, inapprke, or bad, just personality quirks I know some people wouldn't be able to deal with long term.

This is me, and I think it's most people. Your red flags just have to be compatible with your friends' and SO's red flags.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your family history (or anything else) does not excuse any inappropriate behaviors. Nothing substitutes getting adequate professional help and adequate prescription/s, at the very least.

OP here. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say but I'll take stab at what you're possibly implying. I don't have anything in my family history or anything else that is causing inappropriate behaviors, nor do I need professional help or/or medication. I was simply posing a question which was really more philosophical and introspective. I'm not hiding anything nor skirting any issues, or hinting that I might be a mentally ill. You went really far with this one.

Why would you be posting this qwuestion, if you were not trying to excuse certain behavior/s?

question

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your family history (or anything else) does not excuse any inappropriate behaviors. Nothing substitutes getting adequate professional help and adequate prescription/s, at the very least.

OP here. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say but I'll take stab at what you're possibly implying. I don't have anything in my family history or anything else that is causing inappropriate behaviors, nor do I need professional help or/or medication. I was simply posing a question which was really more philosophical and introspective. I'm not hiding anything nor skirting any issues, or hinting that I might be a mentally ill. You went really far with this one.

Why would you be posting this qwuestion, if you were not trying to excuse certain behavior/s?

Yes and no. DH and I both have things that I know would be red flags for some people but they just work for us. It is nothing major, inapprke, or bad, just personality quirks I know some people wouldn't be able to deal with long term.

I am extremely guarded. I tend to stay away from people generally and trust to a limited degree. I don't know that people necessarily know this since I'm not close enough to most for it to even be noticed.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your family history (or anything else) does not excuse any inappropriate behaviors. Nothing substitutes getting adequate professional help and adequate prescription/s, at the very least.

OP here. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say but I'll take stab at what you're possibly implying. I don't have anything in my family history or anything else that is causing inappropriate behaviors, nor do I need professional help or/or medication. I was simply posing a question which was really more philosophical and introspective. I'm not hiding anything nor skirting any issues, or hinting that I might be a mentally ill. You went really far with this one.

OP, your family history (or anything else) does not excuse any inappropriate behaviors. Nothing substitutes getting adequate professional help and adequate prescription/s, at the very least.

Yes, absolutely.

My biggest red flags are that I come from a screwed up family with a lot of substance abuse and emotional immaturity. I was definitely very emotionally immature well into my 30s as well. But I was also fairly self-aware about it, started therapy in my 20s, and have always worked on that. But I'm sure my background turned off some people, as well as my own immaturity at times. I'm in my late 40s now and I can see more clearly how my inability to manage my own emotions and tendency to be very reactive back in my 20s likely impacted those relationships. I'm in a much more mature, centered place now, and I think had already made good strides by the time I married in my early 30s.

One of the things I value most in other people is the ability to recognize when you have made a mistake and a willingness to take steps to mitigate it or change behavior. Not everything is changeable, but just being open to the idea that you were wrong and could do better makes a person a better partner and it's easier to navigate relationships if both people have this ability. My DH had his own "red flags" but we both have this ability and I think it's served us very well.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’ll go for the obvious red flag behavior. You are on an anonymous site during the day getting advice from absolute strangers.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I’ll go for the obvious red flag behavior. You are on an anonymous site during the day getting advice from absolute strangers.

Okay, maybe. But is early morning here. I'm in CA just having my morning coffee. I leave the house in about an hour to start my day.

Ok, I’ll go for the obvious red flag behavior. You are on an anonymous site during the day getting advice from absolute strangers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other words, do you think each and every one of us has what others would consider red flag behaviors? I'm a pretty mild, middle of the road kind of person. I don't know if I have or possess red flag behaviors but I guess I have to, right? I know I'm far from perfect, and there are things about myself I'd like to improve upon. In general I stay out of the fray, I don't discuss politics outside of the house - ever, I'm an omnivore, I believe in God but I'm not religious, I'm open minded in terms of health and holistic medicine but also lean on western medicine. I love dogs, but don't own one because I know they're a lot of work. I don't push my kids hard - my DD was self driven but DS struggles with academics and social skills. He's now 21 and frankly I'm tired of always having to push and motivate him so I've gotten looser with my demands on him. Heck maybe that is a red flag behavior I possess?

What are behaviors that others might perceive as a red flag, and are you trying to change those behaviors?

OP, it seems like you are desperately trying to downplay something. Did someone tell you that you have multiple red flags? Or even one red flag? Are you or they downplaying egregious behavior on your part? Are they telling you something that you would never see in yourself?

If I told an employee that they had a red flag, this would be very (very) telling and extremely serious. Are you taking the advice seriously?

Oh gosh no, not at all! But I guess I can see why you might wonder about that. I spend a lot of time in nature, walking, thinking etc., and this is a thought I had yesterday. I truly do not think I have any egregious behaviors, and no one has said anything to me. I guess this is more just a philosophical thought on my part.

Anonymous wrote:In other words, do you think each and every one of us has what others would consider red flag behaviors? I'm a pretty mild, middle of the road kind of person. I don't know if I have or possess red flag behaviors but I guess I have to, right? I know I'm far from perfect, and there are things about myself I'd like to improve upon. In general I stay out of the fray, I don't discuss politics outside of the house - ever, I'm an omnivore, I believe in God but I'm not religious, I'm open minded in terms of health and holistic medicine but also lean on western medicine. I love dogs, but don't own one because I know they're a lot of work. I don't push my kids hard - my DD was self driven but DS struggles with academics and social skills. He's now 21 and frankly I'm tired of always having to push and motivate him so I've gotten looser with my demands on him. Heck maybe that is a red flag behavior I possess?

What are behaviors that others might perceive as a red flag, and are you trying to change those behaviors?

OP, it seems like you are desperately trying to downplay something. Did someone tell you that you have multiple red flags? Or even one red flag? Are you or they downplaying egregious behavior on your part? Are they telling you something that you would never see in yourself?

If I told an employee that they had a red flag, this would be very (very) telling and extremely serious. Are you taking the advice seriously?

I don’t think so. My DH didn’t have any. I certainly did.

In other words, do you think each and every one of us has what others would consider red flag behaviors? I'm a pretty mild, middle of the road kind of person. I don't know if I have or possess red flag behaviors but I guess I have to, right? I know I'm far from perfect, and there are things about myself I'd like to improve upon. In general I stay out of the fray, I don't discuss politics outside of the house - ever, I'm an omnivore, I believe in God but I'm not religious, I'm open minded in terms of health and holistic medicine but also lean on western medicine. I love dogs, but don't own one because I know they're a lot of work. I don't push my kids hard - my DD was self driven but DS struggles with academics and social skills. He's now 21 and frankly I'm tired of always having to push and motivate him so I've gotten looser with my demands on him. Heck maybe that is a red flag behavior I possess?

What are behaviors that others might perceive as a red flag, and are you trying to change those behaviors?