I think ambition and drive depends on the person. I feel like this is an internal driver, not external.

If this were true, then there would be no deadbeat dads/husbands etc. I think the people who are driven in their careers would do so with or without a relationship.

Honestly, it sounds a bit like a womans wet dream to believe that *they* are the reason their man is successful lol. Not reality, but makes them feel good.

If anything, I think deep love and connection at home might calm ambition. You have less of a need to prove something if you have a good home life.

I think it impacts his career most in terms of perseverance. A happy home life will not necessarily make him more ambitious or more money per se, but it will make him emotionally capable of enduring any BS he has to deal with in his job for a really long time.

Because lets face it, most jobs suck.

It just so happens that persevering for a long time typically (but not always) goes in tandem with earning more and rising in rank over time, but that is a side effect.

Men who are unfulfilled at home will crack under the pressure eventually. Hence the incel phenomenon, higher rates of male suicides, domestic unaliving of spouses, etc.

In my experience and looking around my industry and my husband's industry.....

I think having a spouse provided balance at home that translates to more potential at work. DH and I met in college, and while we spent many years partying and being very social during our early careers, at the end of the day we came home to stability. Many of our peers were dealing with the drama of dating, partying etc in their 20s. It just seemed like DH and I (and our married peers) had an edge up on work in those early years.

I also believe having a spouse was significantly helpful to DH and me for making good job decisions, talking through ideas, long term strategy.

I don't believe in any way that having a spouse stay home is helpful or necessary to a career anymore. When i started working 25 years ago, yes all the senior people were men with sah wives. But now, all my peers in their 40s and 50s in my industry have working spouses (with significant jobs). Sure, for the total all-out ballers who want to be traveling 365 days a year, yes, a spouse is necessary. But for the rest of us who work 50-60 hours a week with travel once or twice a month... yes, it's a bit more complicated to make it work. But we figure it out. The dudes with sah wives don't have any added benefit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

Everyone needs a wife at home taking care of everything so they bc na be a myopic one trick pony and focus on getting ahead at work 24/7.

Free childcare, free cooking, free cleaning, free planning, free social activities sign up, free $ex, free reminder system, free party planning, free kid tutoring, free healthcare mgmt, and I look like a mature, responsible, likeable Family Guy. After all, someone married me and had kids with me!

Duh indeed. Read the OP’s question, which is explicitly NOT asking about practical support.

NP

Practical and emotional support from him leads to practical and emotional support from her.

You can’t just be taking taking taking and throwing money at it.

Thats not a real relationship. You need a woman who was really dumb and adoring, or really a gold digger with a bunch of friends and family to hang out with while you’re AWOL.

Anonymous wrote:Duh.

Everyone needs a wife at home taking care of everything so they bc na be a myopic one trick pony and focus on getting ahead at work 24/7.

Free childcare, free cooking, free cleaning, free planning, free social activities sign up, free $ex, free reminder system, free party planning, free kid tutoring, free healthcare mgmt, and I look like a mature, responsible, likeable Family Guy. After all, someone married me and had kids with me!

Duh indeed. Read the OP’s question, which is explicitly NOT asking about practical support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think it does for most men. It's mostly an excuse to romanticize a selfishness. Nothing wrong with a certain level of selfishness as it's necessary to achieve certain things in life. I'm like this as well, but I don't tell my husband that my ambition is the result of my love for him.

Does love make you want to be a better provider? I am a woman and having children made me put my career in higher gear, because I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility, including financial responsibility, for them. I felt like since I had the potential to be the higher earner, I was making their lives a precarious with the lax attitude I had until that point.

Spouses are different than children, of course.

For career minded women having children made them more efficient and better managers, of everything.

Anonymous wrote:My husband was ambitious and successful from the start, coming from nothing. I met him right at the start but I don’t doubt he would have been successful without me.

I also think he might have been even more successful in work without kids and home obligations. We waited 7 years to have kids, but once we had them—at his peak earnings he switched projects to be more available at home, no more travel and be there to coach his kids, etc.

I think men and women without home/family obligations do achieve more workplace success. Their focus and time is all work.

True

No kids & all work or Ignore the home & all work win the work game, lose the life fulfillment game. If the latter they usually get served divorce papers at some point.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about social advantage, networking, or practical support at home. I’m asking whether having a loving relationship translates into increased ambition, drive, follow through, goal setting or achievement for a man. Or does water reach its level irrespective of emotional support.

What emotional support are you imagining here?

The wife and kids endorse and “emotionally supports” through all the ups/downs of his work ambitions, drives, follow through, professional goal setting and work achievements!?

Most men don’t disclose all the drama and setbacks they have at work or that the company is having. Until too late. And that’s only if things really blow up.

Until then, everything is great. Just need to work a little harder and longer…

My husband was ambitious and successful from the start, coming from nothing. I met him right at the start but I don’t doubt he would have been successful without me.

I also think he might have been even more successful in work without kids and home obligations. We waited 7 years to have kids, but once we had them—at his peak earnings he switched projects to be more available at home, no more travel and be there to coach his kids, etc.

I think men and women without home/family obligations do achieve more workplace success. Their focus and time is all work.

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think it does for most men. It's mostly an excuse to romanticize a selfishness. Nothing wrong with a certain level of selfishness as it's necessary to achieve certain things in life. I'm like this as well, but I don't tell my husband that my ambition is the result of my love for him.

Does love make you want to be a better provider? I am a woman and having children made me put my career in higher gear, because I felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility, including financial responsibility, for them. I felt like since I had the potential to be the higher earner, I was making their lives a precarious with the lax attitude I had until that point.

Spouses are different than children, of course.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about social advantage, networking, or practical support at home. I’m asking whether having a loving relationship translates into increased ambition, drive, follow through, career goal setting or achievement for a man. Or does water reach its level irrespective of emotional support.

No.

Dream on.

That’s mainly a person goal: prioritizing work and career.

Any work addict who claims he “did it (worked 24/7/365/30) for the kids and wife” is a gaslighting BS’er.

Now I have met some family first successful, hard workers. They were Jewish and very thankful to their wife and kids for putting up with their asinine schedule. They also are worth over a $BN.

I don't really think it does for most men. It's mostly an excuse to romanticize a selfishness. Nothing wrong with a certain level of selfishness as it's necessary to achieve certain things in life. I'm like this as well, but I don't tell my husband that my ambition is the result of my love for him.

Duh.

Everyone needs a wife at home taking care of everything so they bc na be a myopic one trick pony and focus on getting ahead at work 24/7.

Free childcare, free cooking, free cleaning, free planning, free social activities sign up, free $ex, free reminder system, free party planning, free kid tutoring, free healthcare mgmt, and I look like a mature, responsible, likeable Family Guy. After all, someone married me and had kids with me!

I’m not talking about social advantage, networking, or practical support at home. I’m asking whether having a loving relationship translates into increased ambition, drive, follow through, goal setting or achievement for a man. Or does water reach its level irrespective of emotional support.