My kids are teenagers. I have no idea which of their friends were in daycare or starting at what age. It makes zero difference long term.

“The science” LOL.

Here’s some science, if both parents don’t work, most families will simply not have enough money to get by. I’m not talking about “oh we won’t have money for our yearly vacation and Larla and Aiden’s expensive dance team and travel baseball,” I’m talking about “literally not able to pay the mortgage.” Basic math aka a STEM concept!

Imagine being conditioned to “LiSTen tO tHe sCiEnCE” and then the science being this garbage.

What’s the study? Whats the sample size? Who funded it?

Always a reason to shame women for liking their careers or (gasp reality) having to work.

I find the sahm parents or nanny parents insufferable when their kids get to school.

They have zero idea how to cut the cord and no know the color of their kids poop. The kids also seem stunted to me when it comes to making friends.

Btw I notice this when their kids are 7 and 8. I hope it gets better

This blog post is full of editorializing by the author (who is it by the way? I've never been able to find an actual name.) If you look at the actual studies cited, you get a very different picture of "the science" compared with what the author describes. The author also fails to explain that these studies are largely observational, and unobserved variables are likely to influence the results quite a bit. If you look at actual literature reviews of this subject they are much more clear - so many other factors matter so much more than whether you send your child to daycare.

I sah with my kids back then (woh full time now) and my biggest takeaway knowing all my kids friends, some who were in daycare, some who were home…it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. The sah kids are no more creative than daycare kids. The daycare kids don’t have better social skills. If any of them have mental health issues, they would have had them anyway. I hate these studies, they just contribute to the mommy wars. They create guilt where it’s unnecessary.

This aligns with my feelings and experience. My DD was not “ready” to be in a school-like setting until about 2.5. She did half-days with a nanny pick up until age 5 then Kindergarten full days after that. We just watched and listened to her and that’s what felt right. She’s happy and secure. No social issues. I lost a few years of my career and am still paying for it but my choice to do so was mine. We lived lean those years but have no regrets.

I think parents who want to believe their kids are resilient and will be fine are unfortunately fooling themselves in many cases. The kids are not always fine—and certainly not those in daycare from 8-6 daily. It’s too much.

I had a SAHM but did not feel loved by either parent so it didn't matter. If I'd had a loving nanny or been in good daycare with nurturing teachers, I would have been better off.

I'm one of many kids so I didn't even get the benefit of more 1:1 attention versus daycare.

It is my current understanding that the most important thing is to have a real relationship with love and connection between parent and child. But the child must feel loved, not just be loved. Some parents do not have that skill set. I would say it is more important for that parent to gain those skill sets so the time they do spend with their children is spent making them feel loved. One hour feeling loved by your parents is much more helpful than ten hours with them feeling neutral or unloved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with this and have read lots on the subject, there are more negative effects than those mentioned here.

Lots of people will challenge and refuse to believe this but possibly one or two parents who are open minded will use this information to make a more informed choice for their children.

Good child care with loving providers 40 hours a week is fine. When kids are there from sun up to sunrise with little family time that is the issue, but with parents like mine, child care was far better.

I like to think that the average child does not have bad parents and that deciding what is best for most children should not be based on what is good for children with bad parents.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with this and have read lots on the subject, there are more negative effects than those mentioned here.

Lots of people will challenge and refuse to believe this but possibly one or two parents who are open minded will use this information to make a more informed choice for their children.

Good child care with loving providers 40 hours a week is fine. When kids are there from sun up to sunrise with little family time that is the issue, but with parents like mine, child care was far better.

This is silly as it really depends on so much factors. I was so much better off as a day care kid even at a bad day care as my parents hated parenting. My mom's career was far more important to her. I am a SAHM. My kid had SN so it was impossible to work but no regrets but I enjoy being home.

I agree with this and have read lots on the subject, there are more negative effects than those mentioned here.

Lots of people will challenge and refuse to believe this but possibly one or two parents who are open minded will use this information to make a more informed choice for their children.

"Compared to 15–30 hours, 30+ hours a week before 4 or so doesn’t give any cognitive benefits but makes children more likely to act out and be angry when they reach school."

This is an interesting read with some insight. Age matters. Hours matter. SES matters.



https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4


"Summary of effects
First, here are the effects of 15–30 hrs of daycare a week, broken down by age.
For ages 3+, there are few downsides and substantial advantages. Daycare boosts both cognitive skills (literacy and mathematics) and social skills as measured in the first few years at school.
For age 2, the findings are more mixed. This is the best age to start in terms of boosting later cognitive skills, but children are more likely to act out and be angry when they reach school.
For age 1, childcare may improve cognitive skills a little, though certainly less than starting at age 2. But it also has even larger negative effects on later behavior in school. There is no boost to social skills.
For children aged 0–12 months, daycare likely damages cognitive skills and children’s later behavior at school is even worse. There is no boost to social skills."