Anonymous wrote:
Yes. I agree that the video should be on. I started with the video on until my boss made a comment about my appearance. I didn't tell my boss that their comment made me uncomfortable. But I decided not to turn the video on again. I want to get along with people and I want to be someone that feel comfortable working with. I know that my behavior is hurting me professionally.

Ugh. I was going to say in general you should turn your camera on and just accept that your boss might go over time while talking about themselves (I used to get stuck in boss' office for 1 hour + with this BS in person and it was the worst), but I really feel you on boss wanting you to share personal stuff and making comments about your appearance. I'm an introvert and that really sucks! I actually don't care if people talk about themselves and I even ask questions and am interested, but I hate when they want me to share, because I have no life and it's very awkward.

Anonymous wrote:How often are these meetings? I definitely have my video on in scheduled meetings with my manager, or other one on ones where the others have their video on. It makes everyone feel.more engaged.

If these meeting are weekly or less frequent than that, you should take the time to chat as well. Doesn't have to be very personal, just casual chatter. The people part and "getting to know you" is a real thing and a skill to hone, if you care about your manager's view of you and career progression more generally.

OP Here- Yes soft skills are increasingly more important than the work. I have had a really hard time with my soft skills. I don't really like to get to know people or hear about their personal lives. I wish my boss would turn off the video and I didn't have to look at their face. I like keeping the work about work but that has not gotten me far in my professional life.

Yes. I agree that the video should be on. I started with the video on until my boss made a comment about my appearance. I didn't tell my boss that their comment made me uncomfortable. But I decided not to turn the video on again. I want to get along with people and I want to be someone that feel comfortable working with. I know that my behavior is hurting me professionally.

How often are these meetings? I definitely have my video on in scheduled meetings with my manager, or other one on ones where the others have their video on. It makes everyone feel.more engaged.

If these meeting are weekly or less frequent than that, you should take the time to chat as well. Doesn't have to be very personal, just casual chatter. The people part and "getting to know you" is a real thing and a skill to hone, if you care about your manager's view of you and career progression more generally.

Anonymous wrote:Im a supervisor. I dont care. But im in person most days. I teams with video with my boss and he prefers that. I talk with my direct reports on phone/in person multiple times a day.

OP Here
This is refreshing. I am always available on MS Teams chat and usually available 10 hours/day from 7am-6pm. I wouldn't care as long as the work is completed and the employee is not violating any security issues. But I have recently learned that my calling in is interpreted as disrespectful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, to answer your question, if your boss is making time for you and going on video, yeah, you should match the behavior that is being role modeled for you. You can think whatever you want to think about it. You can protest as loudly as you want in your own brain. You don’t have to like it. At all. But, if your career matters to you at all, you should learn to follow the unwritten rules. This is one of them.

OP- Yes, I think you are correct about the "unwritten rule" part. I didn't think it mattered until my boss told me that they want to see me on video and speak on the phone. I have noticed if I turn on the video, my boss rambles even longer. If I keep the video off and /or call in, my boss gets straight to the point. But I want to maintain a good relationship.

I assumed this is what you're doing. And I'm sure she assumes it too.

Im a supervisor. I dont care. But im in person most days. I teams with video with my boss and he prefers that. I talk with my direct reports on phone/in person multiple times a day.

Anonymous wrote:Do you need her support to maintain your career or further? She clearly likes talking, and it is these relationships that are how many get ahead. She abuses it, clearly, but just think about how she will feel about you when you start "managing" her.

I don't disagree with the PP and their advice. Just be aware of possible consequences.

OP here- I absolutely need my boss' support and so far the work relationship has been very positive. However, I detect that my boss wants to feel more engaged or connected to the employees. My boss asked me to share a personal story with all of the staff when I shared something in a private discussion. Since that incident, I have stopped sharing personal stories with my supervisor. My boss values the people part more than the "work completed" part of the job.

Anonymous wrote:Also, to answer your question, if your boss is making time for you and going on video, yeah, you should match the behavior that is being role modeled for you. You can think whatever you want to think about it. You can protest as loudly as you want in your own brain. You don’t have to like it. At all. But, if your career matters to you at all, you should learn to follow the unwritten rules. This is one of them.

OP- Yes, I think you are correct about the "unwritten rule" part. I didn't think it mattered until my boss told me that they want to see me on video and speak on the phone. I have noticed if I turn on the video, my boss rambles even longer. If I keep the video off and /or call in, my boss gets straight to the point. But I want to maintain a good relationship.

Do you need her support to maintain your career or further? She clearly likes talking, and it is these relationships that are how many get ahead. She abuses it, clearly, but just think about how she will feel about you when you start "managing" her.

I don't disagree with the PP and their advice. Just be aware of possible consequences.

Anonymous wrote:When you call in are you doing other things besides engaging with your supervisor? Eating lunch, running errands.....

LOL. At first no. I used to cut out all activities and give my supervisor my undivided attention. After several late arrivals, long rambling about my supervisors' pets, uncles and nieces, I have started to multi-task. So yes, you are correct, now I run errands, eat lunch and sometimes I just tune my supervisor out until they start talking about work-related things again. I acknowledge that it is wrong.

Also, to answer your question, if your boss is making time for you and going on video, yeah, you should match the behavior that is being role modeled for you. You can think whatever you want to think about it. You can protest as loudly as you want in your own brain. You don’t have to like it. At all. But, if your career matters to you at all, you should learn to follow the unwritten rules. This is one of them.

Anonymous wrote:I think you can manage your boss a little…. Like, at the start of the call, can you say something like, I have another meeting at the top of the hour which I need to do some prep for, so can we keep this meeting to 25 minutes or 45 minutes (or whatever). And then give a 5 minute warning, like, sorry to pivot/interrupt but I’m just checking the clock and we have about 4 minutes left, is there any additional business that we need to get to. And then at the mark, say something like, I do have to run to my next thing, but great to catch up…
Rinse and repeat, every. Time.

This is great advice. I have let this time thing go on too long and now I am reacting in a way that feels rebellious and adversarial. I don't like my reaction and I am working on improving.

I think you can manage your boss a little…. Like, at the start of the call, can you say something like, I have another meeting at the top of the hour which I need to do some prep for, so can we keep this meeting to 25 minutes or 45 minutes (or whatever). And then give a 5 minute warning, like, sorry to pivot/interrupt but I’m just checking the clock and we have about 4 minutes left, is there any additional business that we need to get to. And then at the mark, say something like, I do have to run to my next thing, but great to catch up…
Rinse and repeat, every. Time.

When you call in are you doing other things besides engaging with your supervisor? Eating lunch, running errands.....

I have since started calling in to one on one meetings instead of using MS Teams because my supervisor frequently runs over time and our meetings run close to lunch. My boss feels disrespected because I call in instead using MS TEAMS and requested that I "video" in rather than call.

I apologized and started to get on TEAMS again. However I don't feel engaged during these one-on-ones and try to keep the meetings short and to the point. My boss is a great supervisor but a conversational narcissist and likes talking about their personal lives and inquiries about my personal life.

Any solutions to repair this dynamic?