My child took a social skills class and was taught “one, two, then you,” meaning max rep sentences before giving someone else a turn to speak

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I went up and apologized to DH for talking (whispering) to DS about serving him seconds while DH was telling story. He’s pissed and “apologized” for being “so boring” and “making everyone listen to such terrible stories.” I love him and we have a very strong marriage but I’m so over this and will be sleeping in guest room. His dad used to do this too. Corner someone, talk forever about something boring, and if you said, “excuse me my kitchen is on fire,” he’d think you were incredibly rude for interrupting. Sigh.

Wtf

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is OP. I was sure I was going to be excoriated for being rude. I’ll get up and start serving seconds, quietly, while DH tells story and he gets SO upset. I’m so glad to know that I’m not alone. We are not trying to be rude but we are all capable of quietly asking for more milk and also continuing to listen.

Getting upset and yelling all the time is NOT normal.

Do not let him normalize this with the kids.

I’m not sure which is worse, demanding everyone shut up and listen to some boring slo mo lecture every night, or throwing a temper tantrum when someone needs something during the lecture at dinner.

Not normal.

Anonymous wrote:My autistic husband accepts that people will interrupt him if his story gets too long. You have to sit him down and explain that HE is being socially inept and boorish by making others wait, and that this is not a good example for his children.

Outside of your nuclear family, you and your husband need to come up with a signal for him to wrap up his monologues. That's how every family manages an ASD talker.

My hfa spouse does both: flips into lecture mode with females or kids and everyone tunes out and he keeps going never getting to the point. And with men he never talks just bids and pretends to follow along.

And when other women or girls speak he interrupts with nonsense questions until they stop their short story out of exasperation.

I think in the moment if you see people getting restless, you HAVE to say, “hon, can we get the Cliffs Notes version, please?” It is simply rude to everyone else not to get him to wrap it up quickly. He is incredibly socially clueless and I can’t believe it’s not affecting his relationships. I don’t invite bores like this to social events.

OP again. I went up and apologized to DH for talking (whispering) to DS about serving him seconds while DH was telling story. He’s pissed and “apologized” for being “so boring” and “making everyone listen to such terrible stories.” I love him and we have a very strong marriage but I’m so over this and will be sleeping in guest room. His dad used to do this too. Corner someone, talk forever about something boring, and if you said, “excuse me my kitchen is on fire,” he’d think you were incredibly rude for interrupting. Sigh.

My DH also doesn’t know when to just give an answer instead of a long story. Our entire family is so sick of it.

Is there someone your DH trusts who can have a come to Jesus talk with him about it? A career coach once talked to DH about it, but it was a long time ago and he’s forgotten the advice. Sigh.

Wow. This is OP. I was sure I was going to be excoriated for being rude. I’ll get up and start serving seconds, quietly, while DH tells story and he gets SO upset. I’m so glad to know that I’m not alone. We are not trying to be rude but we are all capable of quietly asking for more milk and also continuing to listen.

My autistic husband accepts that people will interrupt him if his story gets too long. You have to sit him down and explain that HE is being socially inept and boorish by making others wait, and that this is not a good example for his children.

Outside of your nuclear family, you and your husband need to come up with a signal for him to wrap up his monologues. That's how every family manages an ASD talker.

My children tell long stories and get angry if anyone dares ask them to pause. We’re working on it with them because it’s rude and boring to monopolize the discussion.

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.

Two things: 1) you have to pull him aside after dinner and tell him that he can't hold you all hostage to his stories. Be nicer than that, but you get the idea; 2) if he won't listen to the above, just let him be mad.

I mean, think about this. This man is literally sitting at the head of the table insisting that everyone pay attention to him instead of allowing you to do normal things during a meal while he holds court. That is messed up. I hate to be all "fight the patriarchy!" but he needs to get a grip. He's using your natural inclination as a woman to smooth over the situation and make it pleasant for everyone to continue doing this. If he won't stop then let him be mad.

He's the problem holding the whole room hostage. Nope. You need to explain to him he's wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, long story teller is the clueless one socially. Is he autistic? Sounds like my child. It’s really hard.

Agree.

that’s really self centered behavior. Can’t read the room. Can’t respond or conversate to others so steamrolls them with lectures and long dragged out stories.

Yes, long story teller is the clueless one socially. Is he autistic? Sounds like my child. It’s really hard.

My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.