Anonymous wrote:Does your friend want therapy? If so, why isn't the friend doing the asking? With any therapy it is so important to take ownership. I have been down the road of trying to find a therapist for a friend and also a family member and you can get sucked into trying to rescue and make the person feel better and then the person complaining the therapist wasn't helpful. I found it worked best to be supportive, validate feelings, but not be the place to badmouth the other person, suggest therapy, but no longer try to be the superhero finding the right fit. The first step is her or him doing the work to find someone. Maybe your experience will be better, but I myself have needed to work in therapy to try to stop rescuing people and fixing things and let them do the work to fix as I simply cheer them on.

And my fix, I don't mean that a estrangement can always be fixed, I mean to get some relief from the pain by processing it all, grieving and having healthy strategies if the person tries to reach out.

Does your friend want therapy? If so, why isn't the friend doing the asking? With any therapy it is so important to take ownership. I have been down the road of trying to find a therapist for a friend and also a family member and you can get sucked into trying to rescue and make the person feel better and then the person complaining the therapist wasn't helpful. I found it worked best to be supportive, validate feelings, but not be the place to badmouth the other person, suggest therapy, but no longer try to be the superhero finding the right fit. The first step is her or him doing the work to find someone. Maybe your experience will be better, but I myself have needed to work in therapy to try to stop rescuing people and fixing things and let them do the work to fix as I simply cheer them on.

Anonymous wrote:My two cents — and I don’t have a specific local therapist in mind — is that someone specialized in grief could be very helpful. Been estranged from my sister for 15 years, and it families estrangement is a very real form of grief.

+1

How old is the person-just general age range? I ask because my cousins had to distance themselves from aunt (mid 70s) because with mild cognitive impairment she became highly combative just to them and the grandkids.My aunt claimed they were estranged and had abandoned her.

We found her someone in her area who was really good with her age group and that person now only made her feel heard, but convinced her to try medication as well. They did not all become close again, but it eased things a bit because she had an outlet for her upset about many things in her life and on the medication she could manage her mood when they did occasionally visit.

My two cents — and I don’t have a specific local therapist in mind — is that someone specialized in grief could be very helpful. Been estranged from my sister for 15 years, and it families estrangement is a very real form of grief.

I think there may be a few exceptions where you need a therapist with specific expertise. If the cut off of communication is due to addiction of parent or adult child, you need someone with specific training in addiction.

Also, if there has been any physical abuse or sexual abuse, not every therapist feels comfortable with this area.

Otherwise it is standard stuff, accepting what you can't control, boundaries, and guidelines if either side reaches out-keeping communication respectful.

I get it though, you want someone is who is known to be fantastic and hopefully some names will come up. It's just there could be factors you don't know that require a certain area of expertise. Also, your friend really needs to take charge. She/he needs to be the one asking around-to doctors, close friends, and even just checking out bios and trying people out or even posting on DCUM. It has to come from her.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your responses, especially the book suggestions. Still would appreciate any recommendations for a therapist.

Maybe someone who specializes in family therapy? Did the adult child tell your friend why they were cutting them off? What is your friend's goal for therapy? To examine their part in the rift and improve themself? To have support in grieving the loss of relationship?

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist should be able to handle this. It's all about accepting what you do not control. That's standard stuff for therapists.

+1

Thanks for your responses, especially the book suggestions. Still would appreciate any recommendations for a therapist.

Not therapy but 2 books: Fault Lines by Kark Pillemer and Rules of Estrangement by Joshua Coleman

Any therapist should be able to handle this. It's all about accepting what you do not control. That's standard stuff for therapists.

I'm trying to help a friend find a therapist who has experience working with the parents of adult children who cut off communication. Ideally, the therapist would be somewhere in the DMV. Thanks for any suggestions you might have.