Anonymous wrote:Need advice:
A friend recently asked me if something was wrong. They shared they felt as though the vibe of our friendship is “off” and asked if something happened.
Background, if I don’t call they don’t call. I very pregnant, tired, anxious and have a lot going on in life. I’m tired of always being the one to call and always the one who is chatting during these calls.
Why can’t they call if I don’t? Why assume something is wrong if the phone works both ways?

You literally described how the vibe of your friendship is indeed "off." You used to initiate all the contact and now you're tired of doing that. I'm not saying your actions or feelings are unjustified, but your question was why would they assume something is wrong and it's because something is wrong...

If you need more from them, then tell them that. But if you always met someone for a walk at 8 am on Tuesdays and you stopped coming, they'd wonder why. You've changed the cadence your relationship had. That's fine, you can do that, but it's weird to then wonder why they've noticed what you've done...

You are describing literally every friend I’ve ever made except my husband.

People look out for themselves. We live in a selfish culture. I had to look honestly at myself and reconsider how my qualities that I thought made me a good friend were really opportunities for others to take advantage of me.

Could you change the dynamic completely and say "it seems like neither of us likes initiating calls, but we both like having them -- why don't we schedule a monthly call that repeats on our calendars?" Or a monthly coffee date or something. It seems the issue for you guys is initiation, so take it out of the equation.

Less sure how to deal with your complaint that you are the one who chats on the calls. That's tricky because I can see it from both sides -- I get you not wanting to feel like you have to carry the conversation, but also she may just be less chatty generally but still like connecting with you. Maybe your interactions need to be shorter? Or maybe you need to do stuff together that doesn't require as much talking? You know men have really figured that out -- one of the joys of watching sports with other people is that it can take the pressure off of making conversation. You can talk or just watch the game, and you can always just talk about the game if you don't feel like talking about other things. Is an interaction like that appealing to you? I have some friends I love going to baseball games with, or meeting at a bar to watch football, because it's so easy and low stress/stakes.

Why didn't you say this?

Always do but nothing changes. I still end up having to be the one to call. Is it the hormones or is this just an anomaly of a friendship, and the same cycle is getting old

I like that the friend who doesn't call is making it OP's problem that she doesn't call. How manipulative.

Did you use your words and tell them how you’re feeling?

What if they know all these things but still never initiates the call themselves?

Just say I'm glad you reached out (if you are), and say you've been busy and all of that. Tell her what you need

Need advice:
A friend recently asked me if something was wrong. They shared they felt as though the vibe of our friendship is “off” and asked if something happened.
Background, if I don’t call they don’t call. I very pregnant, tired, anxious and have a lot going on in life. I’m tired of always being the one to call and always the one who is chatting during these calls.
Why can’t they call if I don’t? Why assume something is wrong if the phone works both ways?