Dh called his mom and it looks like she and fil can barely afford to go, she was so upset about tickets, hotel…so I will watch the dog but does that change how you see the situation? Should we pay for in laws’s expenses instead to alleviate that burden for them? We cannot do it if kids also go as such last minute tickets are $400+and I think we will have to cover some funeral expenses. It complicates an already very sad time.

A local funeral, yes. But cross country, no.

Yes. We brought my oldest to his great-grandparents' funerals when he was 2. One was in Europe, the other in Asia (different sides of the family).

My husband and I have buried 4 grandparents since our kids were born. We all attended 3 of the funerals. I think it's really a case by case decision of whether it makes sense for you all to go and the circumstances of the celebration of life/funeral.

I was the only person in my family to attend one grandmother's funeral - she died at nearly 100 after a long, long decline and had been in assisted living in Florida for 10+ years. We'd all spent time with her as an extended family during the last 10 years of her life. It was her children's wish to have a small funeral.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if at all possible, you show up when someone dies.

Thats too little, too late. I think people should show up when one is sick or needs help. No need for phony social performance.

I agree.
Traveling across country is a huge expense.
There's no way my family (Dh and I and our kids) would be able to afford last minute plane tickets for all of us-plus rental car, hotel rooms (there's six of us) meals out, etc.
My mom was very adamant that children shouldn't go to funerals, even local ones. My great grandfather died when I was 12 and we lived within about 1/2 hour drive and she would not let my younger brothers and I go to the funeral (I assume I had school that day.) Shortly after that we moved across country and a couple years later my great grandmother (wife of the above great grandfather) died and only my mom went to the funeral.

*after ILs come back

Anonymous wrote:I think dh will take the kids. In-laws are local to us so I might have to stay to watch their dog. Kids have many memories of her as we called frequently and visited yearly.

Let kids spend more time with their grandparents so they can comfort them and bond over great granny's memories. You and DH can provide comfort food and take care of some chores for ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you take teens to the funeral of a great-grandparent cross country? What have you done if you had that situation? Did you all go, just you/dh as the great-grandchild….?

Just you go, unless your family had a close connection with the deceased. Your DH can accompany you out of respect for your parent or he can hold the fort while you are gone.

Sorry. Thought its your grandparent. Send DH.

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if at all possible, you show up when someone dies.

Thats too little, too late. I think people should show up when one is sick or needs help. No need for phony social performance.

Anonymous wrote:Would you take teens to the funeral of a great-grandparent cross country? What have you done if you had that situation? Did you all go, just you/dh as the great-grandchild….?

Just you go, unless your family had a close connection with the deceased. Your DH can accompany you out of respect for your parent or he can hold the fort while you are gone.

I think dh will take the kids. In-laws are local to us so I might have to stay to watch their dog. Kids have many memories of her as we called frequently and visited yearly.

I believe that if at all possible, you show up when someone dies.

I would take people to the great-grandparent funeral, yes -- if i could afford it -- I did this when my kids were very small, so a bit different, but 1) youth brings some hope and sense of a cycle to these events and times in life 2) it's good for them to see you as a person 3) they will likely remember the funeral even if they don't remember the person well and that is a nice thing into adulthood; I still think about meeting my own great grandmother when she was ill although I barely otherwise remember her 4) when in question about a funeral, it's usually best to go

Of course. When my great-grandmother died, everyone in my family who was alive attended. When I was an adult and my grandmother died, everyone in my family who was alive attended.

Would you take teens to the funeral of a great-grandparent cross country? What have you done if you had that situation? Did you all go, just you/dh as the great-grandchild….?