Dad died unexpectedly in 2019. He was 75 but never ill or anything. We expected him to live to be 90 easily. Just random heart attack and we found him too late. It took me about 3 years where the crying finally stopped on a weekly basis. I still think about him every day, but I think I finally accepted that he’s gone last year.

And I always recall a conversation that we should move on and live life when he’s gone and not be saddened. I think that conversation helped me so much.

Hang in there, OP. There will be some good days, there will be some bad days. Everyone grieves in their own way and own pace.

Anonymous wrote:My mom died in 2007. I was in my early 20s. I was deep on my grief for 7 months. I went to a lot of therapy and drank too much. Then a point came where it started to feel less raw.

Almost 20 years later and I still get waves of grief occasionally or flashes of anger that she is gone. Mostly related to the fact that she never met my kids (first born in 2011) and that we never got to have a real relationship as adults. I miss her every day.

Oh sorry. I was still in school so no work. It happened in the summer and I basically spent the summer sleeping or drunk. So it likely would have impacted work pretty significantly
.

My mom died in 2007. I was in my early 20s. I was deep on my grief for 7 months. I went to a lot of therapy and drank too much. Then a point came where it started to feel less raw.

Almost 20 years later and I still get waves of grief occasionally or flashes of anger that she is gone. Mostly related to the fact that she never met my kids (first born in 2011) and that we never got to have a real relationship as adults. I miss her every day.

Im sorry for your loss. Google Elizabeth Kubler Ross for info on stages of grief

Anonymous wrote:How long did you grieve after losing a parent? What phases did you move thru, how long did they last? How long did it affect you at work?

Answers to any of the above appreciated. I’m sorry for your loss.

That's not at all how grief works. Kubler-Ross, who was the parent of "stages of grief," never intended for people to think the "stages of grief" are something you work/move through without returning to prior stages..

Grief is messy. One can experience one or more "stages" of grief in even a single day, and can return to any stage at any time.

Grief is not something you finish. It gets easier to carry, but it's not easy.

My mom had been increasingly sick so it wasn’t a shock.

I wouldn’t say it affected my work at all except for some logistical issues to do with taking time off when she was ill, dying, and dealing with the funeral.

Even though we were very close, I wouldn’t say that dealing with the grief was difficult or traumatic. I miss her, but when I think about her it is sad rather than gut-wrenching. I think my wife was similar about her father passing.

My dad passed away when I was in my early 40s. It was a shock. He struggled with depression and a lot of health issues (diabetes, thyroid etc). But we didn’t think he was about to pass away. I felt the grief was complicated. My mom was really mourning him but at the same time i knew she also found him challenging when alive. So I think there was guilt there. My career was also taking off and my income was rising rapidly. My kids and DH were also doing well.

I dream a lot about the dead people that were important in my life but my dad doesn’t come in a lot. That makes me feel a bit sad

Anonymous wrote:I have never stopped grieving my parent who died nine years ago. I am not trying to stop grieving. I miss them terribly every single day.

Me too, word for word, except 14 years for me.

I have never stopped grieving my parent who died nine years ago. I am not trying to stop grieving. I miss them terribly every single day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um about a month? I think the phases were shock and then deep sadness for her. She was kind of delusional but always claimed to love life and I know she loved being fussed over and getting a ton of attention, and would be SO hurt to know she died both suddenly and alone. She'd have wanted people to cry at her deathbed while she imparted secrets and wisdom to them and such. Then, the last phase was sadness for me that I wasn't sad for myself that she died, just sad for her, and happy for my dad that he was finally free.

My mom died at night, and in my religion the funeral takes place very shortly after death, so I basically cried on and off through a couple of days of work. Then had my work laptop open while also having personal laptop open as I watched the funeral service during work hours. I was working from home so nobody at work knew. So I guess it didn't affect me at work at all.

Can I ask, how old were you? This could have been me if my mom died in my 20s/early 30s. But now (late 40s) it seems unthinkable. Pls take care of yourself, PP. God bless your mom and you.

Like 45? Wait, two months before I turned 45.

It's been over two years and I am still grieving but the grief has changed a lot in that time.
The first 3-4 months I was beside myself, had ongoing sleep disturbance, could be set off crying by the smallest thing, thought all the time of various aspects of death: the circumstances surrounding the actual death, what I miss most, what I had hoped for that will not be, who my parent was, how I remember them and how this impacts my identity, how the death and loss of relationship impacts my children, how it's different for my siblings, how to help my surviving parent who is deep in grief, and on and on. There was so much to process.
I will never stop missing my parent but the grief is just a companion I've learned to live with and it doesn't feel all-consuming or disrespectful to not pay attention to it if my current life needs my attention. I can reminisce without being overcome.e with emotion. I still have the briefest thougts of "I need to tell my parent xyz" or "the next time I see them". It's like a millisecond of forgetting they are permanently gone. It still seems like there must be some possibility...

I am still grieving, years later. I loved my parents and miss them immensely.

My mom lost her parents when she was a relatively young adult. I never appreciated how difficult a loss that was for her until I was an adult myself.

I was fortunate to have both of my parents well into my adult years. I loved them so much and would I’ve to have them both still in my life and the lives of my children.

Anonymous wrote:Um about a month? I think the phases were shock and then deep sadness for her. She was kind of delusional but always claimed to love life and I know she loved being fussed over and getting a ton of attention, and would be SO hurt to know she died both suddenly and alone. She'd have wanted people to cry at her deathbed while she imparted secrets and wisdom to them and such. Then, the last phase was sadness for me that I wasn't sad for myself that she died, just sad for her, and happy for my dad that he was finally free.

My mom died at night, and in my religion the funeral takes place very shortly after death, so I basically cried on and off through a couple of days of work. Then had my work laptop open while also having personal laptop open as I watched the funeral service during work hours. I was working from home so nobody at work knew. So I guess it didn't affect me at work at all.

Can I ask, how old were you?

This could have been me if my mom died in my 20s/early 30s. But now (late 40s) it seems unthinkable. Pls take care of yourself, PP. God bless your mom and you.

Um about a month? I think the phases were shock and then deep sadness for her. She was kind of delusional but always claimed to love life and I know she loved being fussed over and getting a ton of attention, and would be SO hurt to know she died both suddenly and alone. She'd have wanted people to cry at her deathbed while she imparted secrets and wisdom to them and such. Then, the last phase was sadness for me that I wasn't sad for myself that she died, just sad for her, and happy for my dad that he was finally free.

My mom died at night, and in my religion the funeral takes place very shortly after death, so I basically cried on and off through a couple of days of work. Then had my work laptop open while also having personal laptop open as I watched the funeral service during work hours. I was working from home so nobody at work knew. So I guess it didn't affect me at work at all.

How long did you grieve after losing a parent? What phases did you move thru, how long did they last? How long did it affect you at work?

Answers to any of the above appreciated. I’m sorry for your loss.