Left my husband so they didn't have to grow up in such a dysfunctional household. Other than that, sweat the small stuff way way less.

What do you mean about being their friend, OP? Can you give us some examples? My kids are 11 and 14 and I imagine we are gong to be tested a lot with this sooner.

Also what negative consequences did grades have? Obviously there are college opportunities but if you have more details to share I'd love to hear them. DH and I are sort of in a disagreement about this right now (I want them to get better grades, he doesn't care as much).

Anonymous wrote:I would have been stricter when they were younger. I have caught up with my husband, but it is harder when they are older and has caused way more fights than needed in my marriage.

I would not have breastfed for as long (12-13 months in all cases). I know it's good for them, but none of my kids STTN until fully weaned, and that extra few months of exhaustion was NOT WORTH IT.

Every word of this. Mine are teenagers now and I feel pretty good about what we’ve done and how they’re growing up, but their first years were needlessly miserable.

I am happy how my kids turned out. They are teens now and nice, thoughtful, smart young adults. I was lucky enough to be home with them till they were in MS. It was a lot of fun to be the and volunteer during ES.

Some things i would do differently are:
Get my kids to read more
Not tell my kid about Santa till he was older. I thought he was old enough but he was not
Travel with them more. COVID dampened that a little
They grow so fast, never enough time with them. Enjoy it all!

Not live in this area.

Choose a house neighborhood WAY beneath our means.

Never ever make special meals/shorter order cook. Food is take it or leave it.

Otherwise they are pretty good. I might have had one more too. (I have two.)

I would have been stricter when they were younger. I have caught up with my husband, but it is harder when they are older and has caused way more fights than needed in my marriage.

I would not have breastfed for as long (12-13 months in all cases). I know it's good for them, but none of my kids STTN until fully weaned, and that extra few months of exhaustion was NOT WORTH IT.

Picked a different co-parent.

Beyond that, I'd say I've done alright.

Definitely would have majorly limited screen time.

And a cousin allowed unlimited social media, which lead to tons of drama for her DD, and her DS got caught in a sex-tortion scam as a teen (this was up in Conn., but social is everywhere).

I would have found a different option besides before and after care for my younger child. She absolutely hated every group care situation (except daycare when she was younger) and in retrospect, it created so much stress for her and our family.

with the exception of no social media, nothing! we did a great job and our dd turned out amazing!

1) joined a toy library rather than purchase so many toys
2) avoided screens for longer
3) reach out for early intervention/evaluations earlier when first concerned

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 14-20. Three. Love them with all my heart but each are a handful in their own right.

So many things I would have done differently-

Would not have tried to be their "friend" and dug my feet into being a parent, and making hard calls, with no apologies.

Would not have done the traditional routine of going to camp every summer, like a sheep following the crowd and would have used that money to experience life in another country for a month during the summer

would have listened more to what THEY wanted to do in terms of extracurriculars instead of what we wanted to see them do

Would have been tougher with regard to academics, holding them to a fair expectation and not backing down (example son got a D on a test and teacher called about him struggling due to his immaturity and offered to let him redo it, but we let him go out to a party and a game on the weekend instead of making him stay home to study)

thats overall my list. You live and learn.

Mine are 19 and 15 and I was just thinking the other day that I was glad I said yes to so many things when they were little (e.g., icecream, playtime, trips to the museum when I didn't feel like it, toys they had their heart set on). I wasn't trying to be their "friend" and still set boundaries as a parent, but there is such a small window in life where things like a purple lollipop or taking 500 dinosaur toys into the bathtub can make your whole day. So many people would say that would spoil them, but they are reasonable, happy teens. 19 didn't even really get a b-day present this year because there wasn't anything he wanted (we even offered a new phone but he said his 11 was still "fine" and to save the new phone for when he needed it).

I would follow the example of every big tech / social CEO and allowed absolutely NO social media and as little screen time as possible.

I would have been more respectful of my children and accepted them for who they were instead of imposing my views of who I thought they should be. I now understand that each child is their own person and they are perfect just the way they are, just like Mr. Rodgers used to say. I now get what that means.

My kids are 14-20. Three. Love them with all my heart but each are a handful in their own right.

So many things I would have done differently-

Would not have tried to be their "friend" and dug my feet into being a parent, and making hard calls, with no apologies.

Would not have done the traditional routine of going to camp every summer, like a sheep following the crowd and would have used that money to experience life in another country for a month during the summer

would have listened more to what THEY wanted to do in terms of extracurriculars instead of what we wanted to see them do

Would have been tougher with regard to academics, holding them to a fair expectation and not backing down (example son got a D on a test and teacher called about him struggling due to his immaturity and offered to let him redo it, but we let him go out to a party and a game on the weekend instead of making him stay home to study)

thats overall my list. You live and learn.