Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

I don't think anybody philosophically has a problem with what OP is trying to achieve, but I can see a lot of pissed-off spouses based on the way one of the spouses achieves this.

I think everyone is trying to achieve some structure such that the surviving spouse is able to fully utilize 100% of the estate...I mean, it is quite possible they never marry again, so now you just restricted a ton of $$$s that in theory you collectively accumulated...but provides some $$$s protection for the kids if you remarry.

Maybe I am crazy...but if I were to remarry, it is likely someone with similar age and finances. I just don't see a "gold digger" situation as being the norm.

Anonymous wrote:I’d trust my DH to ensure our children were cared for. I think it’s much more important to worry about this after divorce with possible remarriages on the horizon. But death I guess is possible too.

But we don’t have millions, so if I died I’d want DH to have access to all of it to make sure the kids could be provided for. I guess if I was going to get a a big inheritance I’d maybe put that in a trust on my death to go to my kids. But. I trust my DH with this.

This is typically a concern if you have millions/tens of millions. And while you may "trust your DH with this" it can be a real problem if they remarry and new spouse is after money. If your DH dies, and it's not set up properly, all your money could end up with the new spouse, not your kids. Hence the need to set up a trust to avoid this.

Anonymous wrote:I’d trust my DH to ensure our children were cared for. I think it’s much more important to worry about this after divorce with possible remarriages on the horizon. But death I guess is possible too.

But we don’t have millions, so if I died I’d want DH to have access to all of it to make sure the kids could be provided for. I guess if I was going to get a a big inheritance I’d maybe put that in a trust on my death to go to my kids. But. I trust my DH with this.

This is hard because you really can’t trust the spouse to ensure the kids are taken care of. Case in point my XH remarried, got himself a step-son in the process and started having more kids with the new wife. Our shared kids are almost adults and it’s been made very clear to them that once his financial obligations are over they shouldn’t expect anything more from him in the future.

I know this is a divorce situation but if could have just as easily been as the result of the death of a spouse.

Any inheritance they will receive needs to come from me. I have a trust set up for them, and my new husband has a trust set up for his kids. I would have hoped my XH would have done the same, or at least considered his first kids as equals as opposed to a burden he will soon be free of.

Anonymous wrote:Set up trusts where your spouse and kids are the beneficiaries so that if your spouse remarries and then dies the money goes to your children and not the new spouse. Our trusts are set up so that the surviving spouse gets income from the trust but the principal goes to our children. This is so that a new spouse can’t drain the trust.

Sure, but while they've married, 2nd spouse, he can give her money or spend it all while with her and for her. I think OP wants $$ to go directly to kids before there's a new wife.

I’d trust my DH to ensure our children were cared for. I think it’s much more important to worry about this after divorce with possible remarriages on the horizon. But death I guess is possible too.

But we don’t have millions, so if I died I’d want DH to have access to all of it to make sure the kids could be provided for. I guess if I was going to get a a big inheritance I’d maybe put that in a trust on my death to go to my kids. But. I trust my DH with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

I have a trust that establishes who gets what.

Or your trust could permit principal distributions under a HEMS standard but incredibly important would be to have an independent trustee such as a bank or trust company in charge of the trust (not your spouse or another family member) and have the trust include language permitting the trustee to consider other resources available to him our spouse in deciding whether to release trust principal.

Set up trusts where your spouse and kids are the beneficiaries so that if your spouse remarries and then dies the money goes to your children and not the new spouse. Our trusts are set up so that the surviving spouse gets income from the trust but the principal goes to our children. This is so that a new spouse can’t drain the trust.

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

As a practical matter I think it would be difficult to balance providing for your spouse after you die while also preventing your spouse from spending the trust funds unless you are ultra wealthy. But let's say you're regular DCUM UMC and you've got like 3 million in assets total split 50/50 with your spouse. Say 1 million in the house and each of you have 1 million in retirement. Your house is probably some form of joint tenancy with survivorship or tenancy by the entirety so when you die that $500K goes to surviving spouse. So let's say you put the $1 million in retirement into a trust and say you use a typical HEMS standard for distributions. It's going to be hard to prevent the surviving spouse from using that money first to pay bills and then however they leave their monies is outside of your control.

I'm confused. What does your will currently state? Does it just say spouse or does it list you by name? Does your will not specify the kids if the other spouse has predeceased the one who just died? I would think if you remarry and don't update it and the previous spouse named in the will is already dead, the estate would go to the kids. In many states, if a person dies without a will and has children from a pervious marriage, a portion of the estate will automatically go to the children from the first marriage and a portion to the spouse. If you already have a will, wouldn't you just make it a priority to update it?

I made my kids 50/50 beneficiaries on my retirement account. Spouse knows this.

Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

How can DH and ensure our kids inherit our money in case one of us dies, remarries and then dies? This would be in the case we forgot to update our will upon remarrying. All hypothetical. Of course I want my husband to have access to life insurance money and my retirement accounts but I’d like to protect our wealth for our kids and not for a 2nd spouse.