Anonymous wrote:If they are careless with their money now it’s not going to magically improve with DH paying for them. It might get worse now that they know they’ll have a bailout. What’s the long-term plan? We have helped out relatives on both sides but it’s only after mutual discussion and certainly not at the expense of our own financial futures.

What happens if they have a medical emergency or long-term health needs? I'd be furious.

Omg. We support my mom and I think it’s just the right thing to do because she is struggling and we are not. But she is literally poor, we give her only 400 dollars a month, and our HHI is 725K.

When I read the title I thought “you should support them” but no, I changed my mind. No. They can live in a smaller place! I would put my foot down for sure, OP.

Absolutely not unless you get ownership of their home.

I agree with the other posters who say that there needs to be an agreement between you and your husband on this issue. I personally don't see what's so bad about them having to downsize. It will probably be easier for them to manage in an apartment anyway and perhaps give them some more financial security so that yours is not put in peril.

Fight for yourself and your kids. No one else is going to do it.

People who don't fight in life get the short end of the stick.

If they are careless with their money now it’s not going to magically improve with DH paying for them. It might get worse now that they know they’ll have a bailout. What’s the long-term plan? We have helped out relatives on both sides but it’s only after mutual discussion and certainly not at the expense of our own financial futures.

Anonymous wrote:By paying their mortgage so they do not have to move out of their home and into a cheaper apartment.

It is a decent chunk of our monthly expenses, but doable. However, it sets us up to not save for a down payment on our own home (we are renting) and college savings for our DC.

There are more details to share, but I am such a mix of negative emotions. Of course, it is his parents, and he has to help him if that is the right thing to do. But I am feeling selfish about the whole thing-- more so that we have to take on the burden of his parents not managing their money. The whole thing is really just sad on so many levels.

OP, I'm sorry - this is not an easy situation. How old are his parents? Are they able to work PT jobs to defray some of the expense here?

Perhaps let this go for some months, then crunch the numbers on the consequences in the short/long terms as well as research alternatives (e.g., cheaper apartment) and sit down and discuss with DH. While we never had to dig deep into our HHI/savings to assist my parents (who were good with their money, but simply didn't have much even though they worked all their lives), I always appreciated that DH never blinked about it. If anything, it motivated me more to pursue options for them as I knew there would be some safety net if it came to that.

He's paying for THEIR house but not prioritizing HIS and YOUR home-ownership?!?

You need to die on this hill, OP. Nix the fatalism and sadness. You should be furious and tell him this is divorce-worthy.

Anonymous wrote:This would be a marital dealbreaker for me. I’m not giving up my financial future for my inlaws or my own parents. Downsizing is not a reason to subsidize them. Now, keeping them from being homeless — that I would support. But that doesn’t sound like what is happening.

It is totally fair for you to push back on this.

Agree, I would be really pissed that we are renting while paying someone else's mortgage. They should not have retired or stopped working when they still had a mortgage to pay.

No way. If you don't even own your own house yet, that's ludicrous. I think it's the wrong thing to do and think it was gutsy of them to even ask. They are actually putting home ownership further out of reach from their grandchild when they had their whole lives to save for retirement.

How much is left on their mortgage? Are they still working? Can they move to a cheaper home?

I will NOT compromise ^

Nope. I would put my foot down.

Downsizing is what they should be doing anyway, to avoid declining in a house that's too much maintenance / poorly laid out for seniors and will create problems down the road.

I will compromise my retirement and my children's economic future by enabling exactly the opposite decision of what I should be pushing for, re: elderly parents.

Ridiculous.

He definitely should not have offered this without clearing it with you first. Both DH and I have had to financially help our broke family members, and we always have conversations first about what we can afford, how to structure it to avoid constant repeat hands out, and when we will have to just say NO.

How much longer do they have on their mortgage? What is DH's plan for getting a house for your family? For DC's college?

This would be a marital dealbreaker for me. I’m not giving up my financial future for my inlaws or my own parents. Downsizing is not a reason to subsidize them. Now, keeping them from being homeless — that I would support. But that doesn’t sound like what is happening.

It is totally fair for you to push back on this.

By paying their mortgage so they do not have to move out of their home and into a cheaper apartment.

It is a decent chunk of our monthly expenses, but doable. However, it sets us up to not save for a down payment on our own home (we are renting) and college savings for our DC.

There are more details to share, but I am such a mix of negative emotions. Of course, it is his parents, and he has to help him if that is the right thing to do. But I am feeling selfish about the whole thing-- more so that we have to take on the burden of his parents not managing their money. The whole thing is really just sad on so many levels.