We have 3 and I want another but my husband won’t agree to another. Financially, it’s the right decision.

I am one of 4. There are 8 years between the oldest and youngest. Fwiw, my mom said going from 2 to 3 was the hardest for her and after that adding another wasn't a big deal. The majority changes were that we went from a sedan to a minivan, and we were too many people for most hotel rooms (this was generally solved by not traveling or by staying with relatives; I remember staying at fort wilderness at Disney World since it was the only place there that could accommodate 6 people). I remember being sad when my mom said we were having another kid, but he's grown up to be a good guy and all the siblings get along well now. We all have different relationships to each other and our parents...one interesting thing is that my parents had a lot more money when the younger kids were tweens/teens than they did earlier and the younger kids attended wealthier schools. That plus technology changes meant we had some different experiences and perspectives from each other.

I am from a family of 4 and I just want you to consider what it means for kids to "pair off nicely." This sounds nice but is it really better for kids?

In my experience, being in a family where you are easily grouped doesn't really improve your experience as a child. It means you are never an individual, you are always grouped in with "the older kids" or "the little ones" or the girls or the boys. It often feels like your parents don't actually see you, because you are always one of a set. Also, even pairs can contribute to competitive vibes depending on personalities and interests.

Like it sounds very even and tidy -- two sets of two. But if it were me I'd stick with 3, where kids get to be individuals a bit more and where they can mix and match in different ways (all together or pairs based on actual interests instead of just ages).

I also think if you don't have extra adults around (whether family or a nanny who will stick around well into elementary school) three is much more manageable in terms of ensuring all kids get some 1:1 adult time and no one feels ignored.

Four kids is... a lot of kids. Having lived it, it is not something I would choose.

If you really want a 4th, go for it. You will figure out a way to make it works, just like when you went from 2 to 3.

We are content with 3, it's the perfect number for us.

I don't know how old you are but I hit a wall at 35 and have only experienced 3 years of losses and pain. I'm on our last attempt before we throw in the towel and I just have to accept all that pain was for nothing. I don't recommend pushing your fertility. It can really drag you down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three is the most with both parents working full time. Many would say two is enough but we have three and we make it work.

Even with a SAHP, 4 is just a lot.

Agree
- SAHM of 3, and even then I had help in the early years

I had my third at 34 and didn’t want to go for a 4th at “advanced maternal age”. That was my own personal cut off. That being said, with two teens and a tween in the house, I am thrilled I stopped at 3! The earliest years are hard, but in many ways these years are harder both logistically (sports, social calendar) and emotionally (“big kid” issues).

I'm one of three and I think three is the perfect number. And I'm the middle sister! I don't think it's an odd ball out dynamic. Instead, I think it's perfect that there's always one rotating sibling to call or hang out with or fight with or whatever.

I had 2 at the time I got pregnant with my 3rd. My girls were 11 and 9. We were using the pull and pray method which worked for years before I got pregnant. At that moment I knew my 3rd was my last and got my tubal during my c-section. I just had a feeling that told me I'm done and have never had any regrets since.

I am in the same boat! I fantasize about having a fourth, but as a PP said I think logistically we are maxed out at three (both work FT). I know a bunch of happy three kid families. With unlimited money and help I’d have a fourth, but alas.

Anonymous wrote:Three is the most with both parents working full time. Many would say two is enough but we have three and we make it work.

Even with a SAHP, 4 is just a lot.

Three is the most with both parents working full time. Many would say two is enough but we have three and we make it work.

We are three and closing the door because we both work and have demanding jobs and financially, logistically, and temperamentally three is our number. Also, I don’t want to be pregnant again. I somehow made it through three vaginal births unscathed and we have three healthy, NT (thus far), smart, easy temperament kids. I’m not putting my foot back on the gas pedal - we’re the closest we can go to our max. When I stopped breast feeding I always wanted another. I think it’s hormones and saying goodbye to the newness and awesomeness of another baby that may be making you feel this way now that your youngest is 1. If you want another you should go for it, but maybe wait another year and make sure that it’s what you really want.

Some people feel done, some people never do. If you're the latter, at some point you have to think with your head and not your hormones and shut down the baby making factory whether you feel done or not. That may be now or after one more kid for you, OP, none of us can know except you yourself.

If you have 3 or 4 kids, I'm curious why you decided to stop at 3 or why you had one more -- and what it's been like.

We have 3 and planned to be done but I'm starting to really want another... I don't know if that's crazy. I've sometimes heard people worry about 3 kids creating an "odd one out" dynamic and 4 pairing off better. I always dismissed that but now I'm starting to wonder a bit? That said, traveling with 4 kids sounds challenging!

My youngest is turning 1 so it might just be that it's hard to close the door on the baby years.