Anonymous wrote:my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

What does that mean?? Npc?

I’d say confidence is what makes them popular (or faking confidence well).

my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

NP - so to be a non-NPC, would this be a person who spends more time in real world and less online, so they're more original in their behavior? Like unplugged for the matrix kind of thing? And by extension, if there's a conscious move by teens away being on online 24/7?

My 6th grade DD says is on the edge of the popular girl group: girls who are pretty, have phones and do social media, have "boyfriends" act snotty when they're together, and decide as a group what is cool. Someone is often being put down or excluded. They're much nicer one on one. My kid is slowly realizing that those aren't really good friends, and is taking up with another group of girls who are much nicer. Tho, she continues to bemoan that by doing so she won't be popular anymore.

My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

Parents with little to no rules and who buy them cool clothes and shoes. Access to more “mature” video games, movies, social media, etc. You have to know the “cool” pop culture and be in on the references. Parents who let you wander around unsupervised and at all hours.

(None of this applies to my kids, this is just my observation of the kids who mine were once friends with in ES but are now in the “cool” group.)

Redefine popularity. Sounds like your older son is also popular, with a good group of friends.

Popular is usually code for the group with power and unfortunately it’s often used to make others feel poorly about themselves.

The “popular” kids at my kid’s school engage us risky behavior, which is different than when I was in high school. Popular kids drank but they were also academically oriented. Now, it seems losers are popular?

Anonymous wrote:It's all very superficial. Your kids needs the most impressive shoes and the right labels on their clothes. It's really that simple.

OP here. My boys have never asked for expensive sneakers or clothes. They don’t like to shop. I buy them athletic clothes from Nike, under armor and adidas. I also buy them clothing from polo, vineyard vines, Abercrombie, north face and Zara. They seem ok with what I buy them and just wear it. If I see my kid wearing his north face sweatshirt often, I just buy another one or two.

It's all very superficial. Your kids needs the most impressive shoes and the right labels on their clothes. It's really that simple.

At that age- usually the boys that are “fast”. Early physical developers + doing teen stuff on the early side- sometimes this is just dating/interests other times it is drinking, vaping etc

And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.