I don’t know if this helps or not but it’s what I believe having been in your shoes: when your child finally arrives, you will love with a level of gratitude and clarity few can understand.

It’s brutal. So sorry OP. It brought me to my knees which brought me to my religion. All I’ll have to say about that, but it’s humbling that’s for sure.

I've now had 3 people have 2 kids in the time that I've lost 5. It's just another mile marker of such a brutal journey. I kept it together on the call, but it's just so painful. I don't have hope either.