I grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by couples with "open" marriages. It was a lot more like wife swapping, really. A lot of people did get hurt. Some parents I know even got AIDS... but that wouldn't be my concern now, my concern now is, marriage and kids works as a partnership. No matter how stable you think your open marriage is, it's never that. Without the binary of just having a self and an other, there's a lot more to balance. I also grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by people who couldn't stop talking about how progressive and wonderful and cool they were for having their open marriages... meanwhile we kids were thrown together and torn apart by whom our parents were or weren't sleeping with. Nothing like telling the school counselor, "Beth isn't my mom, she's just my dad's girlfriend. But yeah, she has permission to get me from school."

Anonymous wrote:Articles like this are just voyeurism on couples heading toward their inevitable end.

Polyamorous and open marriages never work. Ever. The human condition doesn't allow for it. Someone gets feelings. Someone gets resentment. It doesn't work.

Yes but I am a voyeur and look forward to reading.

Anonymous wrote:Is “Polywise” like Babywise for polyamory? Do they recommend a schedule for when to eat, play, and sleep?

LOL

Women are finally enjoying what men have always enjoyed. I don’t about some of you, but it’s common knowledge that my dad has his mistresses and of course my mom turned a blind eye. Men have always had open marriages but it was only one way. Now women are at least being “nice” and asking their husbands for an open marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in an open marriage. I've been doing this for twenty years. I don't relate to this. I accept that at some point my kids may find out but I'm trying a lot harder to avoid it. To the extent that it doesn't occur to anyone that I might be doing this because I'm a mother, great. I'm not asking for wider cultural validation, I'm not proselytizing, I just want to be left alone.

You're a rarity. Many poly people are so proud of it. So so proud.

While they spend so many hours in difficult conversations with partners, and not paying enough attention to their kids.

Anonymous wrote:Articles like this are just voyeurism on couples heading toward their inevitable end.

Polyamorous and open marriages never work. Ever. The human condition doesn't allow for it. Someone gets feelings. Someone gets resentment. It doesn't work.

It sounds like it's working for the author and her spouse. Not sure why you're saying never ever. You don't know.

But it's definitely rare.

Articles like this are just voyeurism on couples heading toward their inevitable end.

Polyamorous and open marriages never work. Ever. The human condition doesn't allow for it. Someone gets feelings. Someone gets resentment. It doesn't work.

I'm in an open marriage. I've been doing this for twenty years. I don't relate to this. I accept that at some point my kids may find out but I'm trying a lot harder to avoid it. To the extent that it doesn't occur to anyone that I might be doing this because I'm a mother, great. I'm not asking for wider cultural validation, I'm not proselytizing, I just want to be left alone.

I posted about this in the book club forum. I’m debating reading the book. I find it yucky that she slept with married men.

I miss the days when people considered their sex lives to be a private matter.

Fern is a good writer.

About something with an incredibly high failure rate.

But she writes well.

Is “Polywise” like Babywise for polyamory? Do they recommend a schedule for when to eat, play, and sleep?

Perverts.

This made me laugh. It’s funny because it’s true:

“Fern noted that there might be a scarcity of books by moms in open marriages because they are simply too busy: “When you’re a parent and you’re polyamorous, who has time to write?””

A few excerpts follow:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/13/books/molly-roden-winter-more-book-open-marriage.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

“I felt like there were no stories from the mainstream about it, and I felt very closeted,” Winter said. “It often feels like mothers are not supposed to be sexual beings.”

—-
Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist who counsels people in open relationships, said Winter’s account adds a new layer to the growing catalog of nonfiction about polyamory.

“Her story, which is about what it means for a mother to be erotically charged, that story I haven’t seen enough yet,” said Fern, author of “Polysecure” and “Polywise.”

Fern noted that there might be a scarcity of books by moms in open marriages because they are simply too busy: “When you’re a parent and you’re polyamorous, who has time to write?”

—
DCUM Thoughts?