Anyone read the memoir yet? I thought her writing in the article was pretty good, but don’t want to waste my time if the article already covers most of the memoir + some salacious details.

I have always been aroused by the thought of my partners having sex with other men. One of my partners prior to my marriage would describe in detail her prior experiences, we made that part of our erotic experience. When I started dating my wife I asked about her prior experiences, she was very uncomfortable discuss so we dropped it. But I have long wanted to discuss such experiences, hers or mine, with my lover/spouse. When I read the article I assumed that this was part of the attraction, at least for him.

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like I read this article a year or a couple years ago?

Some article like this comes out every few months. It’s a pretty salacious topic that gets a lot of clicks and people want to make it seem mainstream, but it’s not. It’s not something that is going to become normal.

I say this and I think I could handle an open marriage if I wanted to. I’m not horrified by the idea of DH having sex with other women and I think he’s kind of turned on by the idea of me having sex with other men. It’s just… neither of us wants to take that risk or make that effort. We’re happy with each other.

Why do I feel like I read this article a year or a couple years ago?

2) That he quickly responded by encouraging her to go have sex with others and that he’s described as having an easier experience with open marriage than her makes me suspect that he had been cheating on her the whole time, had already “opened” his side.

Reasonable, but not necessarily true. When my wife told me she wanted to open up my reaction was similar, and I think in many ways I had an easier time than she did. I had not cheated, but maybe I was mentally and emotionally checked out to a large degree.

I’m exhausted at the very idea of the work it would take to engage in multiple romantic relationships

It is exhausting. Especially because the vast majority of poly people are really needy.

Anonymous wrote:The book isn't out until later this week. It sounds like the kind of book I'd listen to while washing dishes and doing other chores.

Same! Off to put a hold on the audiobook now!

Anonymous wrote:In theory, I would love to just have sex with any hot man that I find charming and sexually attractive. In practice, making this work with a husband, kids, and managing everyone’s mental, emotional, and physical health sounds 100% miserable and not worth it. I’ll stick to fantasizing about the hot guy at the bar and I’ll pass on what sounds like an unending cycle of stress and resentment.

Lol...right there with you!!

In theory, I would love to just have sex with any hot man that I find charming and sexually attractive. In practice, making this work with a husband, kids, and managing everyone’s mental, emotional, and physical health sounds 100% miserable and not worth it. I’ll stick to fantasizing about the hot guy at the bar and I’ll pass on what sounds like an unending cycle of stress and resentment.

The book isn't out until later this week. It sounds like the kind of book I'd listen to while washing dishes and doing other chores.

Haven’t read the book but read the linked article and the WaPo one. I had two initial impressions:

1) I don’t buy the “their marriage is great/this wasn’t born out of trying to fix the marriage” slant. It seems the impetus for the open marriage was her going out and flirting with a stranger and telling her husband about it out of resentment.
2) That he quickly responded by encouraging her to go have sex with others and that he’s described as having an easier experience with open marriage than her makes me suspect that he had been cheating on her the whole time, had already “opened” his side.

Maybe by now it works well for both but it doesn’t sound like something born out of a happy, healthy marriage. Rather it seems to have been about her making things even but having to go through unhealthy and difficult experiences (getting involved with married men, how ethical and enlightened! Having to “work through” jealousy and insecurity, how pleasant and fulfilling!) in order to reach their current state of balance and satisfaction.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve not read the book but the article is interesting. Honestly, I’m exhausted at the very idea of the work it would take to engage in multiple romantic relationships.

Something about the idea of having to overcome feelings of jealousy or disrespect feels off to me. It would feel like my partner was only halfway in on building a life with me, that’s not a feeling I would want to try to “get over”.

Agreed it seems like alot of work for little pay off .

I’ve not read the book but the article is interesting. Honestly, I’m exhausted at the very idea of the work it would take to engage in multiple romantic relationships.

Something about the idea of having to overcome feelings of jealousy or disrespect feels off to me. It would feel like my partner was only halfway in on building a life with me, that’s not a feeling I would want to try to “get over”.

"I'm polyamorous! Look at me, look at me!!!"

Read about this in the nytimes - I’m struck by how she’s so open esp since she had affairs with many married men. Anyone reading this or planning to?


Gifted article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/13/books/molly-roden-winter-more-book-open-marriage.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Nk0.gMnZ.QYxS1kMvgtai&smid=url-share