Anonymous wrote:I'd invite them both. They can decide what they want to do.

This is the best way to do things.

It shouldn’t be up to you to figure out any extra logistics just because they do not get along.

I have a friend who used to have a close friend who liked a guy. The guy never liked the friend. They never dated. The guy met my friend, hit it off and they got married. The women stopped being friends.

I can understand not wanting to hang out around the ex and his wife.

I moved around so I have never had to deal with socializing with an old ex. I think it would be uncomfortable.

OP, just invite them and let them come or not come. Or pick the friend whose family gets along better with yours or the other mutual friends.

Friend A needs to get over it. B did nothing wrong.

This is nuts. Invite both; it's their problem they are trying to make your problem.

All of this over briefly dating for friend A? You described Friend A feels put out. How does Friend B feel about friend A?

Anonymous wrote:I’d tell friend A to grow up and drop the nonsense. I wouldn’t have tolerated the silliness for all these years.

You do that if Friend B brings more value to the friendship. Then you tell Friend A so she can decide if she wants to lose everything over Friend B.

If Friend A brings more value, you tell Friend B to apologize for homing in on Friend A's man and that you understand if Friend A wants to never see her again. That puts the ball in Friend A's court, with Friend B groveling to Friend A. That might be enough for Friend A to let bygones be bygones, to see the power she has in all this and the chance to look magnanimous to everyone else.

But again, if Friend B brings more value than Friend A needs to make things right and leave if she can't.

Anonymous wrote:I'd invite them both. They can decide what they want to do.

+1

I’d tell friend A to grow up and drop the nonsense. I wouldn’t have tolerated the silliness for all these years.

Agree you should invite both.

You should have dropped Friend A years ago, OP. It's not right that she held you hostage all these years, and prevented you from getting together with your nice Friend B! How is that not clear to you, based on what you've written?

Anonymous wrote:I'd invite them both. They can decide what they want to do.

Yep, this. This is also what we do with divorced couples. They're both invited, they see that they're both invited, and they can decide what to do from there. We're not taking sides, so they can decide to be adults or not. That's on them.

I'd invite them both. They can decide what they want to do.

I have this situation with a group of work friends. We all used to be close. I'm still close with both women but they dislike each other. When I make plans with others in the group, I invite both and let them know the other will be there. For bigger things, like a happy hour, both sometimes come and just don't really talk to each other. For smaller things like dinner, one or the other will come, but not both. I think it's immature, but I love them both so I just try to make the best of it.

Kind of a spin off situation to another poster here who had a falling out with someone in her friend group, but (no relation to that poster) I have been friends with two different people for many many years, and while they only met through me, we share a close group of overlapping friends. Will call them friend A and friend B.

In our twenties, friend A met and briefly dated a guy that friend B knew. Guy broke up with friend A. Several months later, he pursued friend B and they ended up getting married. There was no overlap, but only a few months difference, and friend A was so hurt by the rejection. Friend B is an extremely kind person who was not at fault and didn’t owe anything to friend A, but it was awkward because they knew each other and spent time together through me. At the time, friend A would refuse to go anywhere that friend B would be, making gatherings a choice between the two of them. I understood where both of them were coming from- neither were wrong and it was awkward. Eventually friend A started coming to events and mostly ignoring friend B.

A decade later we’re all married have kids etc. but I still have to choose between the two of them if I ever want to have a smaller group of mutual friends over. WWYD? Invite both and let friend b decline if she still cares?