Anonymous wrote:Agreed.
Stop seeking external signs of your worth/validation.

This site is rife with that.

x1000000

We ended up having a small wedding (fewer than 40 people) at a local restaurant. We made a playlist for the music, a family member officiated, I did the flowers myself, and we hired a relatively inexpensive part time photographer (she did a great job with the photos). We don’t have any video. DH got a new suit and I bought my dress on eBay for like $100 (cost more to have it taken in!). We also hosted the rehearsal dinner at a different restaurant for maybe 25ish people. Beer & wine only at both events. Cost about $10k, 10 years ago, which was the absolute max of our budget. DH was in grad school at the time, we had only my income at the time and paid for it ourselves with a mix of savings and credit cards.

I don’t have any regrets, but we wanted a small wedding.

yes, they are, OP. If you choose to pay for them. You are a free agent. Don't do this. Don't post bout it

We got married at the courthouse and my in-laws threw us a big party in their backyard. Didn’t cost a lot.

Anonymous wrote:We spent $20k on our wedding in 2005, in a major city. Parents chipped in $10k. It’s a once in a life time event, so we felt that it was worth it.

Statistics say that for like half the population it’s most certainly not once in a lifetime.

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience, or an expensive wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. My brothers first wedding was the fanciest wedding I'd ever been to. Eight years later I attended his second wedding. It made the first wedding look like rice and beans.

I'm all for spending whatever you want on whatever you want, but the "once in a lifetime" justification makes zero sense. There are so many things that only happen once in a person's life. First day of first grade. First day of college. First day of a first job. Lots of first. You know what you can benefit from every.single.day? Graduating from school debt free. A down payment for a condo/house. It doesn't make a great Hallmark card but get yourself in financial order first, then throw the fancy party for your friends.

YES. There in an industry designed to make you keep up with the Joneses. Just say no. done

I never felt any social pressure to have any sort of big or expensive wedding. This is on you if you’re giving in to pressure to anyone saying things like “surely the cirque de soleil is performing at your wedding right?”

I'm planning an event at work and it isn't as expensive, but it is helpful to get context. $150/per person for a nothing corporate dinner event makes me remember that even though weddings get inflated in cost, events are just expensive in general. Good luck OP.

We spent $20k on our wedding in 2005, in a major city. Parents chipped in $10k. It’s a once in a life time event, so we felt that it was worth it.

Agreed.
Stop seeking external signs of your worth/validation.

This site is rife with that.

That's why weddings make people go crazy. For the prices they'repaying, it makes sense to want everything to be perfect.

So don't. Just do a small simple wedding.

It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

The social pressure to spend tens of thousands is immense. Even being financially secure it makes me cringe to spend this much.